Aoki Gets New Nickname…’Ninja’…It’s Terrible

Last season was full of creativity.  We had ‘Beast Mode’, T-Plush, and the wrath of the Fu Manchu.  The 2012 season is off to a flat…and slightly racist start.  Now, I heard that this was Braun’s idea…and was further ingrained by my boy Tony Gumbo.  This can not stand fellas.

Now, I would like to start by saying that I am not accusing any Brewers of being racists.  However, calling the one Japanese guy on your team “Ninja” is painfully stupid.  Not everyone from Japan is a ninja guys.  In fact, I bet you that Aoki does not even know any kung fu, let enough alone to be a full-fledged ninja.  Ok, maybe he knows a little.  But he probably eats sushi too, but no one is calling him ‘Spring Roll’.  We need to up our nickname game fellas.  There are still 4 or 5 guys who need to get their nicknames, but if this is the bar…you guys need some help.  That is where Lou comes in…

Normally, I would leave clubhouse issues in the clubhouse, but this lack of creativity can not stand.  There fore, I have come up with 5 other nicknames for Aoki, as well as 5 for my ST guy to watch Daniel Meadows.  Now, I reserve the right to start calling Daniel any of the 5 nicknames I choose to publish in this article.  The goal will be for one of them to catch on.

I am going to do this without ever meeting these dudes, but with just a little research I am going to come up with 5 killer nicknames for each.  I am not saying that my nicknames for Aoki will not be Japanese oriented, but they will certainly not be in borderline bad taste.  I retract that, they may be in slightly bad taste.  You be the judge.  Here we go:

Lou’s 5 Nicknames for Norichika Aoki

1)  Mothra

2)  Fugu     *Japanese Word for Puffer Fish, which is poisonous and awesome*

3)  The Killer Koi

4)  Mujina     *In Japanese legend, this is a shape0shifting Badger…seemed appropriate* 

5)  Shredder

Lou’s 5 Nicknames for Daniel Meadows

1)  Tumbleweed

2)  The Centaur

3)  Tylenol DM

4)  Deadshot       *Gnarly Batman Villain*

5)  The Waco Kid

There, that wasn’t so hard.  In my humble opinion, there are some real winners in this group.  While some of the Aoki one’s are based in Japan and/or Japanese folklore…at least I came up with something better than ninja.  Couldn’t we have at least referred to him as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?  Like I did, with Shredder!  Nicknames have to serve a purpose.  Sure we could cop out like the Yankees did and call our Japanese guy Godzilla, but we are better than the Yankees.

Thus, I am submitting these nicknames for formal consideration.  Like everything that I do, these are hit or miss.  Some good, some bad…but in the end all 5 of my nicknames for Aoki should be submitted to the team immediately.

If you know anything about me, these sort of things are right in my wheel house.  Should there ever be a position on a major league baseball team to sit and come up with nicknames, that job shall be mine.  While these are not quite mustache facts…I did enjoy doing this.  Maybe more nicknames will be on the way.  That will depend on how bad the team nicknames get.  Can’t wait to see what they come up with for Brock Kjeldgaard…