The Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss – 2012 Inductees Re-Cap

The inaugural class of the HOBWWM was awfully impressive.  Huge contracts, terrible performance, and all around not good…ness.  These two gentlemen do not just deserve to be in the Hall, they earned their way in.  Before we start unveiling the new candidates, let us take a look back at two men who will never be missed.

Jeff Suppan - Here is what I said about him at his induction last year…

Jeff was a good man, excellent father, terrific friend, and the worst pitcher, per dollar, the Brewers have had in the past 2 decades. He was acquired for his playoff prowess, only to self-destruct in his lone Brewers postseason appearance.  By the time Suppan left Milwaukee, his career was in ruins. The former NLCS MVP, reduced to rubble by a monster contract and three plus years of piss-poor performances.

Suppan was the Joker to my Batman, the fly to my ointment, the Tom Cruise to marriage. Hate is a strong word, but most appropriate for how I loathed this man every time he even got near the pitchers mound. 

When I was going to a lot of Brewers games (’07 and ’08), I would map out games that he would not be pitching in. Not so much because I did not want to see him pitch, but because I did not want other Brewers fans to have to listen to me shout profanities at him from my seat. I did that for you Brewers fans, because some of you genuinely liked that glorified tee-ball stand.

At some point, Jeff should have grown a mustache. That beard never did him any favors, so why not go with the official facial hair choice of the organization. If he would have donned a mustache, perhaps my complete and total discontent for him would be nothing more than a mild nuisance. Let’s be real, mustaches seem to make everything, at the very least, a little bit better. But without a mustache, you are nothing more than Grizzly Adams chucking apples at a bear in the woods…just for Millions of dollars that you never really earned.

A good friend of mine once told me that Jeff Suppan was a poor man’s Greg Maddux, just with worse approach, command, and overall ability. In my mind, that makes Suppan a homeless man’s Greg Maddux. That is how I will remember Jeff…as a homeless Greg Maddux. 

In all honesty, I created the Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss so that Jeff Suppan could be in it. He is the poster child for everything that Brewers fans have come to loathe about this organization during the early to mid 2000′s, big contracts with little to no results.  Jeff Suppan  IS the Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss. When we attempt to nominate two more players into this club next year, they will all be measured by Jeff Suppan and his ability to suck the life out of an entire fan base. Good luck, future nominees.  You are going to need it.

Congratulations on this blatantly fake honor Jeff.  You earned it.  May you rest in peace…in San Diego.   

I really have nothing to add.  Somehow, my feelings and thoughts have not changed over the past 12 months.

Eric Gagne – Here were my thoughts on his induction day…

This French-speaking, Looney spending, steroid abusing, baseball journeyman, was lucky enough to end his major league career as a Milwaukee Brewer.  Luckily for Brewers fans, he did not “retire” wearing our jersey.  Rather, his career simply ended due to horrific play and absurd contract demands, which the Brewers met for one heinous season. 

December 9, 2007 was the day that the Brewers lit $10 million dollars on fire and called it an acquisition.  Gagne was brought in to close games after the complete breakdown of Derrick Turnbow and the departure of Francisco Cordero.  Eric lasted about three weeks as the Brewers closer, blowing three of his first six save opportunities. 

4 days after signing Gagne to this absurd contract, the infamous Mitchell report was released.  In that report, Eric Gagne was listed as a user of Human Growth Hormone going all the way back to 2002 (coincidentally the highest points of his career were from ’02-’04).  This is something he has never admitted to, or denied.  But the timing of the report and his signing with the Brewers, cast a dark shadow over his time in Milwaukee before it had even begun.

When you pay a man $10 million dollars to close out games, you expect results.  Gagne was given 17 save opportunities and converted 10 of those, which means he only saved 60% of the games he was brought in to save.  If I only did 60% of my job, I would be fired without my boss even giving it a second thought.  But, the Brewers had not inflicted enough pain on themselves, so following the 2008 season they re-signed him to a minor league deal.  Luckily for us, he injured his shoulder, and he was immediately released. 

What can you say about Eric Gagne that hasn’t already been said about Milli Vanilli; he cheated to get to the top, he came crashing down with a thud, and now he is only spoken about in the past tense. 

If the Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss was created for Jeff Suppan, Eric Gagne was not far behind.  He is another shining beacon of the Brewers continued efforts to piss away money on mediocre talent. 

Eric Gagne will not be missed by Brewers fans, so we lay him in his final resting place.  He will always be revered as one of the great “Won’t Misser’s” of all-time. 

His family should be proud, this is the only award he earned without steroids as a baseball player. 

It’s amazing that all of those thoughts and words still ring true today.

This new class has a lot to live up to.  Between you and I, this is a really tough pair of acts to follow.  These are two horrible Brewers that virtually no one misses seeing on the mound.  Maybe this year we will get a position player in the mix, but only you can make that difficult decision.  The first nominee will be revealed next week, followed by more.  You won’t want to miss them…or will you?  (You see what I did there?)

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