You know…I’m only THIS good at coaching. Photo: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

When the cat is away, the mice will play.  Welcome to the first ever episode of the Reviewing the Brew Podcast.  Ben and Colin were unable to make it, so they turned everything over to staff writer Justin Schultz and I.  Curt Hogg was supposed to be there, but you will have to listen to find out why he did not show up.  I hope you all enjoy the first (and in all likelihood, last) episode of the Reviewing the Brew podcast.  So, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer.  Here is episode 7 of season two.

Justin and I talked about…

• Ron Roenicke being a bad manager (this is almost half of the podcast)
• The current road trip
• We answer a few listener questions
• I apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Schultz
• K-Rod and all of the wonderful things he brings to the table
• We pick our players, pitchers, and goats of the week
• Do a little Curt bashing
• My wife calls me a dick
• Talk about the passing of Dick Trickle
• Finish it off with about 15 minutes of nonsense

Please be sure to go over and follow Justin and myself on Twitter.  I will be unable to be on the podcast next week, but do not fret my pets…I will return in episode 9.  That is unless Ben and Colin ban me for bad behavior.

Jean Segura was rocking a lot of Pink on Sunday. Photo: Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

Well, another weekend series…another sweep at the hands of a division rival.  I had hoped to not be back with this series so soon, but the Brewers forced my hand by pooping the bed this weekend. 

For those of you who missed out on this last week:

If the Brewers get swept during a weekend series, I will spend the rest of my Sunday drinking.  From the deepest corners of my drunken mind, I will create some ‘Deep Thoughts’ a la Jack Handy from the Late 90′s and Early 00′s of SNL. 

This week however, the sweep came on Mother’s Day…where I was with my family and watched the game with my Father.  My Dad is a life long Brewers fan and could take credit for the jaded, cynical, and sometimes hilarious fan that I am today….although he won’t.  Luckily for all of you, I was able to take notes from my Dad during the game as well as come up with my own.  By the time we got to the 3rd inning we were already 3 deep, so all of these happened during the game.  Since it was Mother’s Day, we classed it up a bit and had a few “Dark and Stormies” (Rum, Ginger Ale, and a splash of Lemonade).  So here are the musings of two drunk Lou Olsen’s…

Dad:  I think the Brewers are intimidated by Bronson Arroyo‘s disgusting grunge hair.  Because no one is intimidated by a 83 mph fastball, unless they are in Little League.

The only logical reason to sit Carlos Gomez, the leagues leading hitter, is that you have no intention of winning this game.  Or Ron Roenicke is in deep to loan sharks…actually that would explain most of his managerial decisions.  That dude needs a new bookie. 

Dad:  Jeff Bianchi seems ok.  At least by Kansas City Royals standards.

Breaking News, Rickie Weeks can not drive in a run with runners on 2nd and 3rd.  Instead he slaps the first pitch into the ground.  In other news, trouble in the Middle East.

Dad:  When is Jean Segura going to be on Dancing with the Stars?  He leaves the batters box and it looks like he is doing the samba…or at the very least the tango.  He would win for sure.  Your mom would vote for him!

Wily Peralta is the hotel ballroom wedding caterer of the Brewers pitching rotation.  He only has 3 options; meat, chicken, and vegetarian.  Only one of them is worth having, while the other two are edible at best.

Dad:  Do think that this Araldo Chapman guys arm will eventually just self-destruct?  Every time he delivers a fastball, I imagine Dusty Baker having Kerry Wood and Mark Prior night terrors.  “NO!!  STOP THROWING SO HARD!!  WE’RE GONNA BLOW GAME 6 AND 7!!”

These pink bats are obnoxious.  I love what they stand for, but if you are wearing pink gloves, pink shoes, pink wristbands, pink necklaces,and using a pink bat…I am pretty sure everyone knows how you feel about your mom.  Maybe use a regular colored bat to remind yourself you still need to hit the ball.

Dad:  This is fun.  It reminds me of 1986 through 2007. 

Is it just me…? Or does Logan Schafer always look like he just humped his best friends wife.  Anyone who always has a $h!t eating grin on their face every minute of every day is up to something.  Well, at least up to something other than hitting the ball exclusively into the infield. 

Dad:  Alex Gonzalez.  You are a disappointment.  Why don’t you get a horse, and move to the mountains where you can’ t bother me any more?

Hope you enjoyed these.  This time they were less “Deep Thoughts”-ish and more along the lines of the two old guys from The Muppets, who would sit in the balcony and heckle everyone.  Either way, I had a lot of fun and a lot of Rum.  A special thank you to my Mom, love you!!  Thank you Dad for being you.  And an extra special thanks to Sailor Jerry.  You know what you did…

This photo was not photoshopped. Ron Roenicke is smiling. Photo: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

This is a new segment I wanted to introduce, and it might not go very well…but at this point in my Sunday evening…after a 4 game sweep, I am willing to risk it.

Whenever things are looking pretty bad in Brewer town, I am going to drink 3 beers and then try to create some Deep Thoughts, a la Jack Handy from SNL during the 1990′s.  If you are unfamiliar with this series of clever mini-sketches, go out and find them.  I promise they will make you laugh.

Since, I don’t do Axford Mustache Facts anymore and I have stopped doing “Lists”, I thought this would be something fun to try.  Also, keep in mind that I am 3 pints into a certain adult beverage named after a certain polka-dotted moo-mammal (In my mind this is a very clever way to reveal the beer I have consumed, but when I sober up this will probably look pretty dumb). 

Enough of that stuff.  Now, for some Deep Thoughts…

Whenever the Brewers play the Cardinals, they remind me of day old asparagus pee.  They both stink more than they did the day before, and the only thing left to do is flush ‘em and move on with your day. 

If Rickie Weeks had a nickel for every hit he has this season, he would have enough money to put a down payment on a PowerBall ticket.  But if he and Alex Gonzalez combined their nickels, they would still need a quarter. That’s where Logan Schafer comes in…$222 Million split 3 ways is enough for each of them to retire.  Lucky us.

On Sunday, Marco Estrada said that he had no idea where the ball was going.  That sounds like more of a vision problem then a pitching problem.  I had no problem seeing the ball go over the fence, between fielders, and not over the plate.  But in his defense, I had my glasses on.  Someone should get him to an Optometrist. 

Next we are going to play the Rangers.  Does anyone else feel like the Rangers are the Brewers of the American league?   They can not afford to keep their top players, the play second-sport-fiddle to football, and have more drunk driving incidents per capita than any other sports markets.  I never wanted to have this much in common with the state of Texas, but why should I hide who I am inside.  Hah, now I am rhyming.

John Axford would never come to your work and boo you anytime you didn’t fill out your TPS report correctly.  He would simply stop by your desk, twirl the point of his beard and say something encouraging.  Don’t treat Axford the way K-Rod would treat you.  Because K-Rod would boo you, back-hand you, then tell you he loves you and beg you not to call the police.

Sometimes I look at Ron Roenicke and wonder who would play him in a movie.  Then I remember that they only make movies about good coaches.

Carlos Gomez needs to either get a smaller helmet, or grow a bigger afro.  Everytime he runs the bases I feel like the National Anthem is going to start playing.  He plays every game like he is wearing a safari hat on a speed boat.

If I could pick one movie to describe Yuniesky Betancourt‘s career with the Brewers, it would be ‘Backdraft’.  Not necessarily because of anything in the movie, but because I feel like the title will make people go, “Yeah, that totally makes sense for Yuni”.

Ok, so that’s it for this time around.  Let me know what you think of this segment.  Did you enjoy it, did it make you feel better, do you want me to move to Canada and leave you alone?  Comment below, so I can determine if my drunken ramblings are worth continuing.  My wife and liver will thank you if you hate it, and I will thank you if you like it…because it is fun.

This is what an error looks like. It is painful, no?
Photo: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Fellow RtB contributor Justin Schultz and I seem to agree on most things Brew Crew.  We both agree that Ron Roenicke is awful at managing his pitchers.  We also believe that Jean Segura is going to follow in the footsteps of a long line of terrific Brewers shortstops. 

However, there is one particular player who we seem to have some differing views…    

It is no secret that I am not a Rickie Weeks fan.  While I believe that he does have some talent, I feel like injuries and inconsistency have made him more of a liability than an attribute.  Which is why I have been attempting to #freescooter for the past few weeks.  (P.S. Gennett is batting over .500 so far in his first full season at Triple-A)

Many of you do not share this opinion, including my friend Justin.  Therefore, we must settle this in the most dignified way possible….an opinion piece disguised as some sort of court room drama. 

Our rants will follow the guidelines of 3 vague and fairly generic points: Bat, Glove, and Presence.  Once you finish reading my nonsense, you can immediately go over and read Justin’s counter-rant.  No doubt it will be more elegant and pro-Weeks then the rant you are about to read.  I would apologize, but again…this is an opinion piece, and I am trying to start a fight with my friend. 

Bat:  There is no time like the present…unless you are Rickie Weeks.  Right now he is in the midst of a slump that would make a T-Baller start drinking (for the record: I do not condone children drinking after T-Ball games…at least not without parental consent).  I don’t know the exact number…and I don’t want to know.  But for the sake of argument, let us just say he is 5 for 60-ish.  That is not even the most disturbing part about his current slump.  What is most bothersome to me, his sudden lack of power and pathetic at-bats.  Over the course of that impressive 9 game winning streak, Weeks struggled to get a baseball into the outfield grass.  Monday night was the best example yet of Weeks’ inability to produce offensively, scoring 2 runs (both via fielders’ choice) and striking out twice for another 0-for-4 evening…his third 0-for in a row, for those of you following along at home.  This time you can’t blame it on batting behind Ryan Braun either, as he was batting 2^nd.  Then on Tuesday he racked up his 4^th consecutive 0-for, going 0-for-3 with 2 more strikeouts batting 5th. 

Now, as recently as a few weeks ago (no pun intended) people were telling me, “Oh well Rickie’s value is his ability to get on base.”  Ok, so what happens when that is gone too?  Sure his season OBP is around .275, but that is not great.  It’s mediocre.  It’s ‘Community’…you watch it because it is on before ‘Parks and Recreation’, it isn’t good or bad it’s just…there. 

His at-bats seem to be shorter and shorter each game, while his personal strike zone gets larger.  By personal strike zone I mean, the area where a player believes they can make solid contact with the ball.   On Monday night I watched him swing at a breaking ball 2 feet off the plate and in the dirt, followed by a pitch at his knees down the middle of the plate…that he watched go by and then pretended like it was a bad call. And for an encore on Tuesday night, he was swinging at every pitch he saw…although swing is not the right word, flailed is probably more accurate.  These are habits of a bad hitter.  It is time for RW to take a game or two off, because he is adding nothing to the team offensively.  With both RW and Alex Gonzalez on the team, it is hard to know who to throw our beer bottles at.  During that winning streak, Rickie was making Adam Dunn look like a disciplined hitter.  So if Weeks can’t bat clean-up, he can’t bat in the two hole, and he can’t bat 5^th…are we really paying a 6,7,or 8 hitter almost $10 million a season?  Kind of looks that way right now.     

Glove:  At least his glove can’t strike out, right?  We all know that defense has never been his best attribute, but right now it is his only attribute.   There was that stunning botched pop-up at Wrigley Field a few weeks ago, but that could have happened to anyone considered legally blind.  Other than that booboo and the 2 errors on Wednesday night, he has played a pretty solid 2^nd base so far this season.  RW and Jean Segura seem to have some above-average chemistry, but it is not anywhere near the type of chemistry Segura was rumored to have had with Scooter Gennett.  But that’s not what I am here to rant about.  Personally, I have never taken issue with his spotty defense.  At times he looks like a gold glove caliber 2^nd baseman, while in other instances he looks like a career Catcher who, due to injury, has been forced into the position.  For the most part, he is solid and occasionally looks like a grown man who lit his pant leg on fire and can’t figure out how to extinguish himself.  But now that the bat has gone to sleep, is his defense good enough to keep him on the field 6 days a week?  I don’t think so. 

Presence:  This is where things are going to take a turn for the negative.  I don’t think that at any point in his Brewers career, Weeks has been classified as a leader.  Maybe I am wrong (wouldn’t be the first time), but I do not ever recall reading anything about how Rickie is the rock of the clubhouse.  So, I am going to remove that from the table now.  However, that does not mean you cannot carry yourself as if you are the baddest man (feel free to insert adult themed profanity) on planet earth.  On Tuesday night, Weeks approached the plate like he knew he was going to either ground out or strikeout.  You could see it on his face.  And it is not like he was facing Justin Verlander or Clayton Kershaw, although he was facing a Clayton….Clayton Richards, who left the game after recording 5 outs and giving up 6 runs.  Granted, Weeks was able to coax a walk out of Richards, but that was the high point of his evening.  The point is, when you walk up to the plate to face young guys you must have swagger.  It is imperative.  Even if you don’t feel it, you can fake it.  Or at the very least buy some body spray made by Old Spice…which is called “Swagger”, or the one where hawks follow you around to poker games.  Baseball is 80% mental and 40% physical (thank you Little Giants, starring Rick Moranis). 

My point is, at this very moment…I have more presence in the batters’ box than Rickie.  And I just play beer league softball…so how can this be?  I am fairly confident that anyone reading this might be able to beat RW in a home run derby.  That is how little presence the guy has today.  Imagine a kid who lost his favorite blanket, a dog who buried a bone in the backyard that he can no longer find, or even a pastry chef who ran out of flour…these are all moments that exist on this earth, that carry the same presence as Rickie Weeks has through 4 weeks of April. 

Alright Schultz…your witness.

“Can you see the batters box chalk lines? I am having a hell of a time.” Photo: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

**Disclaimer: All names, quotes, and most facts in this article are fictitious.  This is for entertainment purposes only.  If you take this too seriously, you will not like the article**

This weekend, the umpires were on full display in the Brewers series against the San Diego Padres.  Refusing to review a close home run call, ejecting a manager for questioning a check swing, and finishing with one bad call to end a game, series, and rally.  Each call coming on separate days, adds up to one impressive weekend for the Umpire Nation. 

In order to get to the bottom of why one series was so full of blown and missed calls, I reached out to some very respected people in the community.

We are a month into the season and no one has blown a no-hitter, misjudged a foul ball, or called a guy out because he just doesn’t like him.  So far this season, the umpires have taken a back seat to the players and games themselves.  That is not what we have worked so hard for over the past 15 years, we want to decide games…players be damned.  It all comes down to lack of attention.  No one is buying our medical records to check for HGH.  Our wives and girlfriends aren’t making sex tapes.  It makes us all look bad.  So sometimes you need a few brave souls to step up and say “We are going to mess up this series”.  Bless that brave crew in San Diego this week, they are angels.  - Dale Winston, head of Umpires for local Little League…League

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where these things begin, but I think it is safe to say that someone was not hugged enough as a kid.  Or maybe he was from San Diego and wanted to wake up in the morning and see the headline ‘Local Kid Does Good’.  But the most likely reason, they wanted to see how many times they could toss Ron Roenicke in one series.  Sadly for them, the record remains a tie.    - My neighbor Rich, while mowing his lawn

Why have instant replay for home run calls, if no one intends on using it.  That’s like my doctor giving me Viagra…just another useless pill.    - My Grandma

Can a player be out if he never leaves the batters box?   - My wife (this is an actual quote, and she is a real person…so is my Grandma)

While you can argue that all 3 calls in questions were simply a matter of perspective, you can also argue that the moon landing was an intricate plot devised by the US Government to trick the Russians into believing that we beat them to the moon.  Let’s take a quick look at each particular instance and what may have happened…

Monday Night:

Situation - Carlos Gomez launches a hanging curveball down the left field line hitting the yellow stripe painted on the Western Metal Supply Co. building.  Initially called a foul ball.  Play was never reviewed.

What Might Have Happened - The home plate and 3rd base umpire were texting each other about how excited they were for “Pain and Gain” to come out.  When they both looked up, the ball had changed trajectory (from hitting the building) and landed in the upper loge on the left field side.  Based on the moment they did their job, there was no question that this was a foul ball.  The problem is that everyone else saw the ball hit the yellow line. 

What Really Happened - Home plate Ump has a key chain that says “Replay is for suckers, you’re the man in charge.”  End of story.

Tuesday Night:

Situation - Chase Headley was at bat and took a half-swing at a ball in the dirt.  It appeared as if he went around, but both the home plate Ump and the 3rd base Ump felt differently.  Ron Roenicke began to question the call from the top step of the dugout and was immediately tossed from the game.  Headley eventually grounded out and Ron Roenicke went into the club house, smoked a cigar and watched re-runs of M*A*S*H.

What Might Have Happened - A tear in the space-time continuum, caused by solar flares, created a momentary lapse in vision from the 3rd base umpire.  When questioned by Ron Roenicke, he remembered that Roenicke stole his girlfriend when they were in Jr. High, so he tossed him from the game. 

What Really Happened - The Umps blew the call, knew it, didn’t care.  Took a blood oath before the game that they would not take any lip from the calmest skipper in baseball, so they tossed him.

Wednesday Night:

Situation - Runner on 2nd base, 2 outs, Martin Maldonado at the plate as the go-ahead run.  Maldonado slaps a little dribbler in front of the plate that bounces back at him, clipping his shoulder as he attempts to flee the batters box.  Without a moment’s hesitation, home plate Ump calls him out and ends the game.  

What Might Have Happened - The home plate Umpire was scheduled to have an eye exam on Thursday for some depth perception issues and possibly some color blindness.  So the white ball blended in to the bluish grey uniform Maldonado was wearing , along with the batters box lines which could not be discerned from the dirt of the ball field.  Rather than admitting his possible Mr. Magoo-like affliction, he went with his gut.

What Really Happened - “We called a pretty clean game tonight…that can not stand.  YOU’RE OUT!!!!”

Attention, fame, fortune…a ref seeks all of these things.  But in today’s society it is much easier to get negative attention than positive.  No one remembers the Ump who calls a season error free, they remember guys like Jim Joyce…who blew a perfect game in 2010.  The Umpire crew from the Brewers v. Padres series were simply trying to get their piece of the pie…so that they could move on up, to that deluxe apartment in the sky. 

And yes, I did end this article with the theme song from The Jeffersons.  It seemed appropriate.

Did Lou give me a slightly back-handed compliment? WIN!!!! Photo: Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

This is round 2 of my monthly segment.  This should catch you up to speed:

If you are not sure what exactly a banality is, it is just a fancy way of saying “old news” or “cliché”.  Essentially, once a month I am going to lay out a couple of Brewers issues or topics that may be a little played out, but then I will give them my spin.  I have been told that my spin is sometimes stupid, uneducated, and even immature.

Essentially, I am going to address news that we have all beaten to death…and just give you my unique and often mentally unstable thoughts on said news.  There is a lot to get to, so here we go.

Brewers Re-Sign K-Rod:  If I overlook the fact that the last time he made news in Milwaukee it was for beating his girlfriend, this signing still pisses me off.  People are going to say, “Well it is a low risk, high reward signing”.  I want to know what the reward is?  Do you seriously think that K-Rod is going to come in and save the bullpen single-handedly and become a model teammate and citizen?  The odds of that are the same as Yovani’s BAC (more to come on that), 0.22%.  This is just a waste of time and resources.  There is a reason he was still available.  I hated the initial trade for Rodriguez, hated seeing him come out of the bullpen, and loved watching him completely implode on himself once he was given the closer role.  From my standpoint, this is going to be a non-story in about 30 days.  He won’t pitch well enough to bump anyone off the roster.  Calling my shot now.

Yovani Gallardo DUI:  Just go read Colin Bennett’s article.  He sums it up better than I ever could.  The one thing I would like to add…Wisconsin’s DUI “policy” (if you can call it that) is disgusting.  A $300 ticket?!?!?  Initially, I thought that was misreported, but no.  Shame on the state that I call home.  And super-shame on Bud Selig for wasting time buying medical records so he can bust 6 players for HGH…rather than protecting the lives of his players and the communities that pay his robust salary.  Oh yeah, did we all forget that Bud Selig tried to purchase confidential medical records?  That happened…even if it has been swept under the rug.  At what point do we, as fans, simply give up and just let athletes break any and every law they choose…unless it has to do with HGH or steroids, which will require the Supreme Court.  Those players are criminals and should be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law (please re-read the last two sentences with intense sarcasm and spite). 

Yuni Betancourt’s Grand Slam:  My initial reaction to his Grand Slam off of Barry Zito was disbelief.  Then I saw that it was the 5^th big slam of his career.  Yuni has hit 5 Grand Slams!?!?!  Then it turned into blind dumbfounded rage!!!  Ryan Braun only has 3…!!!  Yuni’s 5^th career slam puts him in an elite club with;   Roger Maris, Ryne Sandberg, Honus Wagner, Gorman Thomas, Mike Cameron, Rob Deer, Will Clark, Cecil Cooper, and Rod Carew.  Pretty amazing when you think about it…might be worth holding onto this guy after all.  I am not willing to say I like him, but even I can admit when a player does something impressive.  Yuni has been a blessing this season, rather than the burden he was in 2011.   

Rickie Weeks’ struggles:  My last article was about Rickie not being “clutch”.  Since I wrote that article, I have realized two very important things.  One, it is almost impossible to truly quantify what makes a player clutch.  Two, I did not do a very good job explaining my own definition of clutch.  Here is the real issue, which was brought up to me by several readers, Weeks is not a clean-up hitter.  This has less to do with Rickie and more to do with Ron Roenicke.  Weeks is also not a run producer, never has been and in all likelihood never will be.  But here is a secondary problem: I love Norichika Aoki leading off with Jean Segura in the 2 slot…where does that put Rickie?  Once Ramirez is back I would assume he takes over at 5 or 6, which one will depend on how Jonathan Lucroy keeps swinging the stick.  Rickie did have a huge hit on Tuesday night, but aside from that he continues to struggle mightily batting behind Ryan Braun.      

Mike Fiers Sent to Triple-A:  This is not surprising.  I like Fiers and think that he is talented, but his ST showed that he is not quite ready to be in the rotation yet.  However, I would like to emphasize “yet”.  Here is my second called shot of this article, I predict that he will be in the rotation by the end of the season.  Mike Fiers is a starter, not a bullpen arm.  Guy can throw, but he needs to be throwing every 5 days not getting spot work out of the bullpen.  That is why he is on his way to Nashville.  I am also pretty pumped to see Hiram Burgos go after the Cubs.  So this is not really a bad thing, just not what many of us expected.

The Giants Series: The Crew scored 21 runs against the reigning champs this week.  In the 11 previous games this year, they scored 36 runs.  We all knew that it was only a matter of time before the bats came alive.  But to do so in such grand fashion (pun intended), is a little startling.  How can you go from not scoring a run for almost 3 full games, to demolishing one of the best pitching rotations in the game?  I don’t know, and I am not sure I want to know…I just want it to continue.

Blake Lalli: When your first career hit is to win a game against the defending World Series Champs, you deserve your own hashtag.  My personal favorite was coined by our very own Curt Hogg, #Lallipopguild.  I am just glad that Alex Gonzalez’s (insert sarcasm) amazing bunt  didn’t screw everything up.  Don’t misunderstand, I do not blame Alex for that, I blame RRR for refusing to let his hitters swing away.  This bunting nonsense has gotten ridiculous.  Ron is lucky that the new guy bailed him out.

Oh yeah!!! And this “amazing” defensive play happened too!! Photo: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports

If you were (un)fortunate enough to watch the past few games, you have no doubt noticed that our 2nd baseman has some anxiety at the plate.  Strangely, this issue does not show itself unless there are other Brewers on base.  If the Brewers are down a run in the bottom of the 9th, and Weeks is leading off, there is no reason to suspect that he will not deliver.  However, if there are two outs and the bases loaded, I will take anyone else on this roster over Weeks.  That guy is the anti-Batman.  Imagine if at the end of The Dark Knight Rises Gotham gets blown up because Batman isn’t quite good enough to defeat Bane.  Pretty crappy movie right?

Now, so far I am just being a blow hard, allowing my anger and irritation to get the best of me.  So, I did what any sensible person would do….took to social media.

It became very clear yesterday, via Twitter, that I am in the minority when it comes to content for Rickie Weeks.  A few brave souls spoke up and agreed with my #scootertime campaign, but for the most part I received people who think that just because Weeks bats .300 he should stay in the middle of the lineup.  I just don’t see what you good people see.  

Look, it is one thing to make outrageous claims without having any evidence to back them up.  I have proof pudding though (get it…the proof is in the pudding, that is still something people say, right?). 

Over the course of his career, Rickie Weeks seems to have stayed the same.  A once promising young talent has now budded into a B defensive player and B+ offensive talent…as long as no one is on base.  In my mind, when you take a guy with the 2nd overall pick in a draft, you should get more from him in big game situations.  Clearly based on my grades, I think Weeks is a good player.  But Weeks is paid like a big time star and big time stars should be expected to deliver in big moments.  Weeks has never shown me that he can give us those clutch hits when we need them most.  The first week of the season should be proof enough…but just in case…. 

Below you will find Weeks’ batting averages with runners in scoring position (RISP) since he first started playing everyday in 2005. 

2005 - .234 BA                    2009 – .313 BA  (a miracle)

2006 – .260 BA                    2010 – .304 BA (double miracle!)

2007 - .178 BA                    2011 – .213 BA  (crashing back down to earth)

2008 – .240 BA                    2012 – .201 BA

So far this season, he has had 9 AB’s with RISP, struck out 4 of those times, hit into a double-play yesterday, and has a batting average of….nothing (0.000). 

Still not convinced that Rickie Weeks is arguably the least clutch hitter on the Brewers roster:

Career Postseason: 14 Games, 45 AB’s, 6 hits, 2B, 3B, 2 HR, 4 RBI, .133 BA, and a .204 OBP

STILL not convinced…fine, this hurts me more than it hurts you:

Yuniesky Betancourt – 2011 RISP Batting Avg. – .237  (24 points higher than Weeks)

Mark Kotsay – 2011 RISP Batting Avg. – .323 (110 points higher!!!!

By that math, your odds were better putting in Kotsay or Yuni B to win a game rather than Weeks?!?!!?  Is this some cruel joke that the baseball gods are playing on me?  No.  Has the world started spinning backwards, creating an alternate universe where up is down and sidewalks are centerwalks?!?!?! No.  It is simply the numbers of the game. 

Say whatever you want to me about how Weeks still hasn’t hit his full potential, but know that he will be 31 in September.  Also know that when the chips are down, he is going to disappoint us. 

Scooter Gennett is batting .474 in Nashville right now…that is a 1.000 in OPS.  So….there’s that to consider.

Rip me apart if you feel that is the right thing to do.  I may be a blow hard, but the numbers have no reason to blow hot air up your Brew-holes. 

I owe a special thanks to Rickie for his horrific performance the last two days, without it I wouldn’t have done the research and thrown up all over our new living room couch.     

Scoring runs and looking good doing it!!! Photo: Benny Sieu-USA Today Sports

It is no secret that I do not hold the Walt Disney Sports Network in very high regard.  The article they rolled out this past Saturday, did not help. 

In ESPN’s ”expert” opinion the Brewers have a 1 in 215 chance of making the postseason…so, they’re telling us there’s a chance!!!! 

Forty-three of their baseball staffers made their predictions for the 2013 postseason and the Brewers only snuck on there thanks to David Schoenfield.  Schoenfield improved our teams chances from 0% to 0.47%.  This is not surprising, since most of these same experts think that we have one of the worst farm systems in baseball (see Jean Segura, Mike Fiers, Wily Peralta, Logan Schafer, Khris Davis, Alfredo Figaro, Jim Henderson, and Martin Maldonado). 

Normally, I would not care.  In fact, the only reason I found this article at all was because a fellow Brewers fan, and former RtB staff writer, floated it my way under the title “This Will Piss You Off”.  But instead it just made me laugh. 

If you go over and look at the article, you will notice a very serious trend.  Almost all of the NL picks look exactly the same: Nationals, Reds, Dodgers, Braves, and Giants.  Those 5 teams are on almost 100% of the lists.  The Cardinals, D’Backs, and Phillies snuck in a few times, but it is no secret who the experts think are the top teams in the NL this season.

Should you choose to look at the AL, you will find that ESPN does employ individuals and not just sheep.  There are all kinds of unique picks and analysts going out on a limb.  Why are things so different between the AL and NL in the Mickey Mouse sports universe?  The answer came to me moments before I sat down to write this article. 

The answer is pitching.  ESPN as a baseball community values pitching in the National League above all else.  In 2012, the Brewers were the highest scoring team in the NL, followed by the Cardinals and the Rockies.  While the Cardinals got a few votes to make the postseason, they were certainly not a favorite by any means. 

Meanwhile, here are the 5 teams with the lowest overall team ERA in 2012: Nationals, Dodgers, Reds, Braves, and Giants.  The same 5 teams that got unanimous votes to make the postseason.  Coincidence?  No. Buster Olney reporting actual news is a coincidence.  This is real life.  

What we have here is either laziness or the belief that in the NL you can only win if you have pitching.  I do not disagree with that, but I also believe that you need to score runs as well.  There is no reason that a team could not hover around the 4.00 realm in team ERA and overcome that with scoring runs.  In 2012, the Brewers had the 4th highest team ERA in the National League (4.22).  If they can find a way to shave off an extra quarter of a run this season, then I believe they will make the playoffs and possibly take the NL Crown for the 2nd time in 3 years.

So what did I learn from this article?  ESPN does not believe that offense can win games in the National League.  Yet, they believe the exact opposite in the American League.  I believe that you have to have both. 

After watching the Opening Day game yesterday, I was filled with hope.  More than I have had in quite some time.  This new bullpen got a big test right out the gate and passed with flying colors (not including my boy John Axford‘s little boo-boo, but he still struck out 3 batters).  If this team can stay healthy and Corey Hart comes back and picks up where he left off, there is no doubt in my mind that this team will make the postseason.

If you feel so inclined, go over and read the ESPN article and have a good laugh.  Then remember that there was one guy who believed in our team as much as we did and was probably suspended from Twitter over it (since that is the going rate for punishment over there), David Schoenfield.

Remember Yuniesky, the goal is to pick up the ball…not just stop it. Photo: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports

Since I began writing for RtB back in the winter of 2010, I have always had a punching bag.  By “punching bag” I mean, an aging/overrated/overpaid  default player that I can blame all of the teams woes on.  Usually it is someone who is past their prime, lacks the tools to be an everyday player, or is insanely overpaid.  Lucky for me, I have had one of those every year thus far.  That is, until this season…

Going into the 2013 season, I had some concerns about who would be the focus of my blind rage and malcontent.  Part of me thought Rickie Weeks might be worthy of carrying the mantle.  Meanwhile, other parts of my beer-saturated cranium thought that the signing of guys like Bobby Crosby and Kelvim Escobar would serve nicely.  Unluckily for me, Weeks looks to be back in form and both Crosby and Escobar are selling cars at a Dodge dealership in Phoenix (I assume). 

On Monday I felt like my prayers had been answered.  The Brewers went out and lit $33 million dollars on fire by signing the next best thing to Jeff Suppan, Kyle Lohse.  Now granted, I do believe Lohse has more talent than Suppan..but based on age and dollars, it is a wash.  This was certainly a step in the right direction, but this signing did not quite fill that void in my hate riddled soul.  All this signing did was make me see the disconnect between my two favorite uncle’s, Mark (Attanasio) and Doug (Melvin).  This signing did not make Kyle Lohse my punching bag, it made the organization my temporary boxing…sack.  You know the one I am talking about right?  The one that guys can wail on with one hand and it keeps bouncing back over and over again.  The Brewers had made themselves my punching sack…I still needed a punching bag.

Without even so much as a day for me to soak in all the money they just dumped into Lake Michigan, I got a text from old pal and staff writer Colin Bennett.  The text read thusly:

Everything is on hold.  We are giving Yuniesky Betancourt a MAJOR LEAGUE DEAL

The first sentence of that text was in regards to a joint article we were/are working on.  The second sentence was a gift…and a curse.

All Spring Training I had longed for a player who could pinch hit with one out and the bases loaded, to deliver that double play.  At night I would lay awake and dream about 1 pitch at-bats, ending in a double-play or a pop up to the 3rd baseman.   As I watched our talented young position players move base runners with sacrifice bunts and fly balls, I ached for 3 straight swing-and-misses on balls in the dirt.  Now…I had all of those things in one horrible, depressing package. 

Yuniesky Betancourt was a player that was so unwanted, that the Royals refused to trade us Zack Greinke unless he was part of the deal.  How bad do you have to be for a team to force a “throw-away” player on you?

Here are some of my favorite highlights from Yuni’s storied career:

2008/09 – His last season with the Mariners he was statistically the worst defensive starting shortstop in baseball, paired with him walking in 3% of his over 500 plate appearances…also the worst in baseball for a starter.  He was then traded to the Royals.

2009/10 - The Royals gave up two minor league nothings to acquire Betancourt, who thanked them by having a .274 on-base percentage…again, the worst in baseball for a starting position player.

2010/11 – Then the Brewers were forced to take him as part of the Greinke deal.  As a Brewer he led the majors in fewest pitches seen per plate appearance, 3.16.  You guessed it, worst in major league baseball.  He also retained his crown of having the worst on-base percentage of any starting position player. 

Don’t get me wrong, Betancourt had some moments as a Brewer that were good and possibly great.  During our playoff run to the NLCS that year, he was off the charts good.  Almost good enough to make me forget about all the times he was the worst player in baseball. 

All of a sudden, Kyle Lohse looks like a 14 karat gold plated pooper scooper doesn’t he? 

It will be oh so nice to rip Betancourt apart every time he steps on the field.  The real difficulty will be trying to keep it fresh.  Coming up with new material about a guy I have insulted hundreds of times before will be a challenge that I embrace.  

I have been writing about the Crew for so long now that sometimes it seems like they are inside my head.  How could they have possibly known that I secretly yearned for one of the worst baseball players of the last half-century?  

The only logical explanation, is that someone in the Brewers front office loves my work on all of the over-payed, 40 year old garbage they keep throwing on the field. 

My Dad always says, “A turd in a tuxedo, is still a turd”. 

Welcome back to Milwaukee you classy, sophisticated turd!!!

Alex Gonzalez looks good at Shortstop…too bad he is a first baseman now. Photo: Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to a new segment I am calling…Lou’s Brewers Banalities.  If you are not sure what exactly a banality is, it is just a fancy way of saying “old news” or “cliché”.  Essentially, once a month I am going to lay out a couple of Brewers issues or topics that may be a little played out, but then I will give them my spin.  I have been told that my spin is sometimes stupid, uneducated, and even immature.  Be that as it may, with ST winding down there are some things I want to address.  If you can stomach my nonsense a few times a month, this should be no different.    

Banality #1 – The starting rotation

I have no issue with the rotation Roenicke has rolled out (Gallardo, Estrada, Peralta, Narveson, and Fiers).  These are the 5 guys who should be starters.  You could argue for Mark Rogers…although I am not sure how at this point.  After watching Fiers get vaporized yesterday against the White Sox, I do have some concerns about the back end of the rotation.  Gallardo, Estrada, and Peralta are all going to win at least 12 games this season.  I have seen enough of them this spring to know that they will be a solid front end group. Chris Narveson and Mike Fiers have not done enough this March to make me feel comfortable about their upcoming season.  Sure, Narvs looked pretty solid on Wednesday (a perfect game through 4.2 innings) but how well is that elbow going to hold up over a 5 month season?  We also need to keep in mind that Chris’ best season is a 12-9 record, paired with a sophisticated 4.99 ERA.  On the other side of the coin, Fiers has not looked good at all.  I watched yesterdays “game” (if you want to call it that) and he was awful.  Not just kind of bad, like if Jeff Suppan and Francisco Rodriguez had a kid.  His control was nowhere to be found, he had as much velocity as a grapefruit used in a slow pitch softball game, and when he did get a pitch over the plate it went home with a fan.  As of this morning, he is sporting a lethargic 6.98 ERA with a 2-1 record.  In hindsight, last spring Fiers posted an 11.25 ERA…so he is improving…I guess.  The fact remains that we have all been concerned about the starting rotation since the end of last season, in my mind…there is no reason to be any less scared today.

Banality #2 – The Bullpen               

Let me start by saying that if Donovan Hand is not in that bullpen on Opening Day, just because Mark Rogers is out of options…I am going to be Django pissed off.  In 11 innings of work, Hand has given up 0 runs on 7 hits, 4 K’s and a walk.  Meanwhile, Rogers has a 7.50 ERA in just 6 innings of work, paired with 10 walks.  10 WALKS!!!!  That is just shy of 2 walks per inning.  Regardless of how talented the guy is, why would you put him in your bullpen over a guy like Hand?  I am sorry, but if Mark Rogers was going to be a major league pitcher it would have happened by now.  There are too many young pitching arms potentially going to waste.  That’s right, I…Louis Charles Olsen do not believe that Mark Rogers is, nor will he ever be, a major league talent.  If I were a betting man, RRR’s bullpen will look something like this: John Axford, Burke Badenhop, Michael Gonzalez, Jim Henderson, Brandon Kintzler, and Mark Rogers.  In my moderately humble opinion, Josh Stinson or Mr. Hand are both undeniably better options for the bullpen than Rogers is.  If you want the bullpen to be better than it was in 2012, keep Rogers out and put Stinson and Hand in.  End of conversation. 

Banality #3 – First Base

What can I say about this position that hasn’t already been said about “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”…it’s so sad that you can’t help but laugh.  Losing Corey Hart and then Mat Gamel, really threw a major wrench into this Spring Training.  First we thought Hunter Morris was the answer, he was awful…so he is back to the minors.  Then we considered Bobby Crosby, cut.  Now we are looking at Alex Gonzalez, who has never started a game at 1^st base in his life until this ST.  We are also looking at platooning two catchers at first base, Martin Maldonado and Blake Lalli.  The problem with this scenario is that…we have no true 1^st baseman.  If Corey Hart does not heal the way we are hoping, this could turn into one of the biggest blunders in franchise history.  Both Maldonado and Lalli have been able to adapt to the position (although both have only played there in 2 games), but Gonzalez has played 8 games there and is getting noticeably more comfortable.  This poses the question, “will Gonzalez be able to fill that void every day?”  The answer is no.  You see, the Brewers also have no infield depth.  Inevitably, Marty and Blake will be platooning as the back-up first baseman and back-up catcher.  In the past, the Brewers have carried 3 catchers on the roster and it kind of worked out.  This is obviously a horse of a more purpley tone.  While this arrangement could work out beautifully, until we start wearing our sunglasses at night again (see what I did there?  It was a reference to that other Corey Hart guy), it could  also be one of the biggest debacles since the Gagne experiment.    

Banality #4 – Lack of Sweet Brewers Hats         

This is something unrelated to the team itself, but something I found frustrating none the less.  I recently thought that I had lost my Brewers hat.  Before you say, “quit being such a puss Lou and get a new one”, you have to understand that this was a one of a kind hat.  In the two years since I received it as a Birthday present, I have not seen one like it.  Nor can I find it on-line to re-purchase it.  Since I believed it lost in the black-hole of my new house, I began looking for a new one.  Aside from the Youniform winner design (The Barrelman), there are no unique or exciting Brewers hats.  It is either the new logo, the mb glove logo, or the horrific Richie Sexson/Jeff Cirillo era hats.  This is unacceptable.  Just because we are quite possibly the smallest market team, does not mean that we should be banished from having an awesome variety of ball caps!!  Luckily for me, I found my hat just yesterday.  When we have our “RtB Brewers weekend getaway” there will be plenty of pictures of me in this hat and then you will all understand, but what about those poor souls who crave unique one of a kind apparel?  Are they doomed to baseball hat purgatory?  We aren’t the Red Sox…and have only had one logo for 100 years.  We are the Brewers damn it!!!  And we have had many, many, many logos.