Today, I made a total ass of myself at work.
This is not completely out of the ordinary for me, but at least today I had a (more) valid excuse: the Brewers beat the Minnesota Twins in an incredible 8-7 comeback, topped off with John Axford striking out Jim Thome for his 21st save.
Instead of giving you the usual run-hit-error recap, I thought it might be more fun for you to slip into the shoes of my co-workers and customers to see how embarrassing I can get when the Brewers are playing.
First, a little background: I currently work as a server at a slightly higher-end restaurant/microbrewery. We have six plasma screens TV’s, and tonight four of them were showing the Milwaukee Brewers play the Minnesota Twins at Target Field.
Today being a Saturday, I did not get a lot of time to watch the game – for some reason all these customers wanted food and drinks instead of watching Ryan Braun extend his hit streak to an active best 22 games with a double in the fourth inning. So I had to watch the game in small pieces as I walked in and out of the kitchen.
Just to give you a picture of how crazy I looked tonight: the A/C in our restaurant does not work very well, so I’m sweating during literally every one encounters.
The following conversations are true; not like Million Little Pieces true where I just ‘cut the boring parts out’, but scout’s honor actually happened.
Top 1st: Brewers 0, Twins 0
I’m standing next to the bar, watching the TV. A wedding party stopped in and is enjoying a few drinks and watching the game.
Guest #1: Jesus, the Brewers suck this year! There’s no way they’re going to win the division this year. No way.
Guest #2: Oh, I know. But you know who’s having a great year? That Betancourt guy. I mean, he’s really one of the best guys I’ve seen on the team this year.
At this point, I feel morally obligated to enter into the conversation
Me: You know, I think the Brewers can still take the Central, I really do.
Guest #1: Get out, really?
Me: Oh yeah. I mean think about it: the Cardinals are every bit as streaky as we are this year, and we are the only team in the National League to draw Boston, New York, and Tampa Bay in interleague play. Now, I’m not much for this, but we also did have to play both the Red Sox and Yankees at their stadiums, which is always a tough game. Not to mention that Braun and Fielder are both serious MVP Candidates. If we can get hot and start winning some series again, I think we got it in the bag.
Guest #2: The Cardinals are always going to win this division, there’s just no way Milwaukee can compete.
Me: We win tonight and the Cards lose, we’re tied up in first again.
At this point, the two guests seem eager to get out of this conversation
Me: I got a good feeling, I think we can win this one.
Guest #2 (to Guest #1): Let’s stop talking about baseball, how about the Packers?
Bottom 4, Twins 7, Brewers 0
Again, I’m standing by the bar waiting for a few drinks for my table. I glance up to the TV screen. Jason Repko hits a two-out liner to Center Field, which scores somebody – I would later find out it was Danny Valencia – for the seventh run of the game.
Me (hitting my fist on the bar): Oh my God!
The bartender, one other server and a fairly concerned patron look my way.
Me (In my whiniest voice possible): I can’t believe this!
Server: What’s wrong? Did you forget to ring something in?
Bartender: Seriously, Colin, what’s up?
Me (pointing to TV): Seven to nothing! Seven! To Nothing! I can’t believe this! Why can’t we score any runs?
The bartender laughs, the other server is still totally confused (it’s okay, she’s new) and the bar patron just smiles at me in the way you smile at someone when you make eye contact at the doctor’s office.
Bottom 5, Twins 7, Brewers 1
Me (to no one in particular): Holy crap, the Brewers scored a run!
Bar Patron sitting behind me whom I did not notice: Ha, yeah it’s about time!
Me: Oh I know, right? I think five losses in a row is about all I can take. Not to mention we only scored – what – like six runs during this whole losing streak?
Bar Patron: No idea.
Me: Yeah, I think it was. I write for a Brewers Blog, called Reviewing the Brew (ed.’s note: shameless plugs!), and sometimes it just gets hard to keep writing about losing, you know?
Bar Patron: (blank stare)
For some reason, I thought the “I’m a blogger” statement would grant some reverence, or honestly any kind of reaction. I could tell the conversation was lost.
Me: Well, have a good night.
Top 9, Brewers 7, Twins 7
The night is winding down, and I’m starting to cash out after my last table leaves. A new 10-top party is getting settled in just as Nyjer Morgan hits his game-tying double off the wall.
Party Guest #1: Oh man, Morgan almost hit that one out!
Me: I just can’t believe we came back, I love it! Tony Plush!
Party Guest #2: What?
Me: That’s Nyjer Morgan’s nickname. Well, one of them. Probably the best one. Probably the best nickname in baseball, or ever.
Party Guest #2: Oh.
George Kottaras hits a single that drives in Morgan, Brewers 8, Twins 7. I don’t remember what I actually said here, but I know I clapped at least once, gave Party Guest #1 a high five, and I might have swore under my breath. Also, I did not know that Braun got subbed out of the game (left calf strain, according to Brauny himself he is ‘definitely out’ for Sunday’s game) so I also distinctly remember saying “why is Kottaras in?”
Bartender: Colin, you look like you’re going to pee your pants.
Me: I might have! But only a little.
Bottom 9, Brewers 8, Twins 7
John Axford is working through the ninth inning with aplomb. I have to finish up my sidework in the kitchen, and I come out to a replay of Jim Thome’s homer yesterday.
Me: What? We lost? Damn it, Thome, not again. (The replay finishes and I see that we did not, in fact, lose the game.) Oh good, I was about to be really upset.
Bartender: Yeah, I could see that.
Jim Thome strikes out, and the game is over. Brewers 8, Twins 7. Now picture me trotting around the bar, giving the managers and other servers high fives, and a few of the party guests.
Me: Yes! (fist pump) Oh my god! I can’t believe we came back! (high fives) We actually won! Awesome!
Hostess: Oh my god, Colin. You seriously look like you want to pee your pants.
Me: I seriously might have.
During the course of the evening, all of this seemed totally natural. As I made my way home, however, I started feeling retroactively embarrassed. Not for me, of course. This actually is totally natural for me while watching a game. I felt embarrassed for the people I work with and for. They had no warning, and I had just the right balance of work and free time tonight to let my emotions get completely out of control.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed tonight’s win as much as I did. If you really want to have a good time watching the next game, you should probably come visit me at work. I think it adds an extra flair to your meal and overall viewing experience. Unfortunately, it did not add anything to my tips.