NotBrew: 11-Year-Olds and Baseball

Walk into a classroom full of sixth graders running on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the joys of puberty, and the latest episode of Spongebob and ask each one what their favorite things, in general, are.

Actually don’t go into a room of sixth graders because that’s just weird, but, using those inferring skills we learned in junior high, you can pretty much figure most of the responses would be.

Cars. Twilight. Nickelodeon. Justin Bieber. LeBron James. Insects. Drawing. Maybe even girls.

Never would the first words out of a kid’s mouth be “baseball” or something of the unspeakable sort. That is, unless you asked 11-year-old Brian Hogg.

Now, for about the last month, Brian was in Minnesota digesting the FSNorth broadcast of the Twins and the far-and-away world of Got Heeeem! on MLB Network. He’s back and ready to enter the year of school that everyone would like to forget, just in time to make sure every penny of my $10 subscription to MLB.TV gets put to use. Couple this with a 15-4 Brewers crushing of the Cubs at Wrigley and you end up with material for NotBrew.

While watching my all-time favorite Scott Podsednik bat in Boston…

 “Hey Brian, who’s your favorite player?” “Uhhh. Mike Trout of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.” “What’s up with that?” “He’s close to my age and could be my brother.”

Somehow he knew Andrew McCutchen’s birthday while viewing Pirates-That Team He Refuses to Acknowledge Won the 2011 World Series…

“McCutchen won’t turn 26 until the Playoffs this year. I think Braun had 200 hits when he was 25.” (I looked this up…he led the league with 203. Don’t ask.)

After Norichika Aoki made a diving catch in right field…

“I LOVE JAPANESE OUTFIELDERS!”

And this…

“He’s the next Ichiro! But without the leaping catches at the wall and the ugly Yankee uniforms.”

After Carlos Gomez jacked his 14th of the year…

“Carlos Gomez bat flip!! SWAG bro!”

And after his 27th steal of the year…

“That’s the most since 2008 with the Twins. But he came up with the Mets.” (Baseball-Reference, we don’t need you anymore)

Following the Pirates’ loss…

“Ughhh I hate David Freese.”

And as soon as Derek Jeter tied the game with a homer in the ninth…

(In an awkwardly low voice) “De-rek Jee-ter *clap clap clap clap clap.” “You alright, kid?” “What!?! He’s the captain!”

When Ryan Braun deposited a homer onto Waveland Avenue…

“HOLY BLEEP!” (Ryan Braun does these kinds of things to kids, I guess)

Nyjer Morgan makes an out and we get this…

“The Brewers should sign Manny because the Athletics didn’t need him with Yunis Sepsdis.”

Because sometimes watching Tampa Bay-Texas isn’t enough…

“Go to the Orioles game!” “Is the sheer goodness that is David Price not enough for you, child?!?” “I’m an Orioles fan now!” (Don’t ask, I’m as clueless as you.)

After Braun, Aramis Ramirez, and Corey Hart deposit back-to-back-to-back jacks in a nine-run ninth…

“This is the biggest 2-out rally I’ve ever seen!” 

And after he realizes there are no outs…

“SALTY!”