Dear Cubs and Cubs Fans,
First let me start by thanking you for yesterday. Your refusal to acknowledge that you are already eliminated from playoff contention has made everyone in the NL Central happy…well, almost everyone. Had you just rolled over and died, like you have in the past, I would not be writing this letter (which I assure you will be positive).
Now I know that I am about to ask you for a lot, but hear me out. Do you think you could sweep the Cardinals? Because the truth is, the Astros are so terrible that there is no way we can count on any help from them next week. To make the nerdiest reference this site has ever seen:
Help us Obi Wan ChiCubbies, you’re our only hope
Remember the days when you called our field ‘Wrigley North’? How about the time that we had to have a “Take Back Miller Park” giveaway (of which I still have my shirt proclaiming as much)? You have had your chances and time in the sun, how about throwing us a bone. We took your crap for a long time and now you have a chance to right some wrongs.
Now, you don’t like us and we don’t like you historically. That does not mean that we can not come together to fight a common foe. If there is one thing we can all agree on, it’s that we equally hate the St. Louis Cardinals. That is why we need your help, now more than ever.
Here is a rhetorical question for you; Would you rather the Brewers make the postseason, or the Cardinals? I would hope that your answer is not those cocky, self-absorbed, hateful Cardinals and their fans.
So rather than squabbling about our own petty differences, let us combine forces to squash a common foe. Throughout history this tactic has worked; The Revolutionary War, WWII, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King… so why couldn’t work for the 2012 baseball season.
Prepare yourselves for this, I WANT the Cubs to win. In fact yesterday, I watched and rooted for David DeJesus. If I can put aside the years of bickering and whoopla, why can’t we join together in a mutual quest to destroy the reigning champs?
Once your series is over with the Cardinals, you can go on hating us. In fact, I would be surprised if you didn’t. I think we can all live with that. But for this one glorious weekend, let us join forces and sink their stupid red battleship.
The ball is in your court. Most, if not all, of Brewers nations will be sending you our good thoughts. All we ask in return, is that you show the same fight, tenacity, and unwillingness to let those S.O.B’s push you around. Their reign of terror needs to end, and only you have the power to end it.
Of course, the Brewers will have to hold up their end of this bargain. That may be easier said than done, but I believe in miracles and destiny. If yesterday taught us anything, it is that the Cubs and Brewers are joined by some cosmic spark. Should we both continue on our current path, the Cubs can play division spoilers and the Brewers can play for the pennant. I know that is not much consolation for you, but again I ask…Cardinals or Brewers?
I think if you dig deep inside yourself you will see that the Brewers are the lesser of two evils. If anything, we have been your little brother since we joined the NL Central. Don’t you want your little brother to succeed? If you are Peyton Manning, aren’t you proud that Eli has won two Super Bowls? You bet you are. So, I beg of you, help your little brother out and I promise you will feel a tremendous amount of satisfaction. And I promise that I will never forget what you did for us.
We will be watching you today, and cheering just as loud as Cubby nation. Best of luck and God Speed.