Mandatory Credit: Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

Brewers Therapy – Session 3: Francisco Rodriguez


I am very excited to be bringing back this segment for 2014. Luckily my very close friend, and therapist, has once again agreed to let me publish their words and advice for all to see. If you missed this segment last year, here is a little catch-up for you:

A good friend of mine is a therapist and they agreed to treat me for my baseball hang-ups, free of charge. They also agreed to let me post the sessions on the site, so long as I do not reveal ANY information about them.

As always, this is not the entire transcript of our conversation. We talked for about 2 hours…and I have a pretty strong feeling no one would want to read all of that. So, I have condensed it down to a much more manageable chat for you.

To kick off the 2014 season, I have enormous hang-ups about Francisco Rodriguez, aka K-Rod, aka The Father-In-Law strangler, aka Jerkface Rodriguez. As you can see, there is no love lost on my end for this bullpen specialist. Let us see if Dr. Awesome can help me to work through my spite and contempt for this once dominant closer.

As is tradition, my dialogue is after the letter “L” and the good doctors will be after the letter “D”.

D: Let’s try to start from the beginning on this. Did you dislike K-Rod before he was a Brewer?

L: I mean, probably. The truth is…I don’t think I cared that much because he played in the A.L. for a long time and then he was a Met. The Mets pose no immediate threat to anyone.  Of course I hated when he choked out his father-in-law after a game.

D: Talk to me about that. What do you remember about that incident?

L: I always say that he choked his father-in-law because it sounds better, but I think he just punched him. The Mets blew a lead and he was not asked to come in and try to preserve the victory, so he just hauled off and punched his wife’s father. That is the sign of a guy who is a piece of sh–. Then he had to take mandatory anger management classes. Ever since that incident I have had zero respect for him. Then he beat up his girlfriend as a member of the Brewers…that didn’t help either.

D: So you think that he is a bad person?

L: I think that is an understatement. Being a fiery player is one thing, but you need to leave that baggage at work. Rule #1 of having a stressful job is, “Don’t ever bring your work home with you.” This guy is not the type of person I want associated with my team.

D: I think that your concerns are valid, but I am confused about how this pertains to baseball?

L: What do you mean?

D: You are talking about this guy like he was a friend of yours. Shouldn’t you just worry about how he performs on the ball field?  A few weeks ago you told me that Ryan Braun should be judged by his on the field performance going forward, so why is this any different?

L: Well lying and repeated acts of violence against loved ones are two very different things.

D: I understand that, but take a second and consider that if K-Rod goes out this season and becomes the closer,he saves 45 games, and the Brewers make the playoffs. Would that scenario in any way change your feelings?

L: Probably not.

D: Ok. Why?

L: Sometimes you can not remove the person from the player. What Ryan Braun did was unacceptable and juvenile. But he was not arrested, nor did he inflict physical harm on anyone. He didn’t go out and beat up the BioGenesis guy after he was sold out to Major League Baseball, because he has some shred of humanity. People who immediately resort to violence to solve problems are terrible people, especially against women, and more importantly against the mother and grandfather of your children. Franky Rodriguez is one of the lowest forms of human life and he will always be that way. All of the anger management in the world will not change the guy.

D: You really pulled a politician move on that question…

L: Thanks? I think.

D: That may have been my fault, let me try asking this another way. What if the Brewers make the World Series and K-Rod saves 4 games in the Series? He is one of the primary reasons that the Brewers are World Champs. From a historical standpoint, you would never be able to see images of the World Series without him in them…are you going to be able to deal with that?

L: I mean, I won’t really have a choice. It would be worth having to see his face every year in October if the Brewers won the Series. But I certainly wouldn’t tell my niece or nephew about him and what a great player he was. I would simply omit him from any retelling of the Series I did. It’s like what I do with Mark Chmura from the Packers.

D: Interesting. Who is Mark Chmura?

L: Oh, yeah. You probably have no idea what I am talking about. He was charged with sexually assaulting a girl in a hot tub. He played tight end for the Packers during the mid-90′s Super Bowl runs.

D: This just took a unique turn. So when you talk about that team, you just pretend like he was never a part of it?

L: Right.

D: I have an idea, just go with me on this. What if you just watch the season and pretend like K-Rod isn’t there already?

L: Well, I mean that is certainly something to consider. The difference is that Chmura’s hot tub issue arose after his prime playing days, so he didn’t play any more after that. Are you proposing that I just…imagine K-Rod is some other person for 162 games?

D: Kind of. What I am suggesting is more like…selective acknowledgment. You chose whether or not to acknowledge his existence.

L: How would I even begin this type of mental sorcery?

D: It’s easier than you might think. Every time Franky heads out to the mound, pretend that he is Pete Rodriguez. Maybe Pete is a young up and coming player who you have been following in the minors for the past few years, and you really like Pete Rodriguez.

L: So you want me to Ryan Braun my brain?

D: Two things: yes and don’t use Ryan Braun as a verb. It makes verbs look bad (one of the worst jokes known to man).

L: Cute joke.

D: Not my best work.

L: Agreed

D: Look Lou, your issues with not liking K-Rod are valid. You are not a violent person and you would never hit woman. No one is going to disagree with your reasons for disliking the man, but if you are going to enjoy this season you need to bridge the gap between player and person. Since that seems unlikely for you, I am proposing you trick your brain into making the Rodriguez jersey a symbol rather than a man wearing a jersey. Get it?

L: I get it, but you are asking me to perform dark magic. Where does it end?

D: You are taking this way to literally right now. How does Ashley (my wife) put up with your nonsense?

L: No personal stuff Doc, we are on the clock. We can discuss my wife’s sanity at my usually scheduled time.

D:  My apologies. But can we just try the Pete Rodriguez idea for Spring Training? If it isn’t working for you, I have another idea.

L: Ok, but it seems like you are really reaching on this one. Usually we come to some resolution, this time I feel like we are simply treating my ailment and not curing it.

D: As a doctor it is my job to treat you and cure you…so at least I am doing the first half of my job.

L: True enough.

D: Let’s give Pete Rodriguez a chance, ok?

L: You win. You always do.

 

Well it wasn’t the session I had hoped for, but I am going to give it a go and see what happens. My apologies if it seems a little choppy, but like I said at the top this is a cutting of a 2 hour conversation.

Anyone else looking forward to watching young prospect Pete Rodriguez this season?

Tags: Brewers Therapy Francisco Rodriguez Milwaukee Brewers

  • Justin Singleton

    Hate the Chmura reference. He was acquitted. By the end it was clear that the charge was fabricated and the DA responsible faced sanctions for witness tampering. The DA threatened a witness that could exonerate Chmura with losing his athletic scholarship. Given that, using Chmura’s name in association with sexual assault we know didn’t happen is repulsive.

    • Louis Olsen

      Hey Justin,
      Thank you for reading. FIrst of all I would like to defend my use of his name in this. Here are my exact words:

      “He was charged with sexually assaulting a girl in a hot tub”

      No where in there do imply guilt or add any real additional details. At no point did I do anything to sully his name, or imply that he was guilty. I simply used him to help explain to my therapist how I was feeling about another situation.

      You are right, he was acquitted and the charges were cleared. But the man himself even said that his behavior “wasn’t something a married man should do”.

      So please do not refer to my article as repulsive. You clearly view this situation a little differently, which is fine and I respect that. But please do me the courtesy of taking this reference the way it was intended.

      • Ross

        References are up for interpretation. You are relating a man who was falsely accused of sexual assault with someone who is a wife and other family members beater. Sounds like a pretty negative reference of Mark Chmura to me. You go as far as to say you omit him like he wasn’t part of the team. That sort if comment has a completely accusatory and negative connotation.

        I’m with Justin here. Not only are you beating a dead horse (which is poor journalism in my opinion) but you are putting perceptions into the minds of your readers that are completely misguided. Just because you say he was accused in the article doesn’t make your implications any less derogatory.

        • Louis Olsen

          Thank goodness you chimmed in Ross. What would I do without your amazing insight? It hurts me so terribly that you think this article is poor journalism, because clearly I was trying to win the Pulitzer with this transcript of a therapy session. You sure are a lot smarter than me and a far superior writer. So you have every right to bash my work every so often, since you are practically Ernest Hemingway.
          I was a kid when the Mark Chmura thing happened dude. That was how I chose to deal with it. I used it as an example of how you can simply pretend like someone is not even there. Do you get it now? You are poking holes in the coping mechanism of an 11 year old, big man. When you are a kid and one of your heroes is accused of being a villain, whether it is just or not, it screws with you and you have to adapt and cope. That was how I did it. And if you really read the article you would have read that I had to cut and paste a lot of my two hour conversation into a readable format. Some things got left out. Parts where I talk about how I have no ill will for Chmura and have since gotten over my negative feelings about him. I simply used him to explain how I intend to view K-Rod. For leaving those parts out, I apologize…but not to you. To Mark Chmura and Justin Singleton, I apologize for my poor cutting.

          • Ross

            Then don’t portray yourself as having certain thoughts if you don’t actually believe them. That’s just foolish. Much like your derogatory tone towards readers and your moustache picture there. You’re a real high class dude. Also if you were 11 when that happened I’m sure you had little to no grasp on the gravity of the situation so why bring it up at all.

            Also I never claim to be a superior writer. Hence why I don’t do it as a profession. I’m merely saying that I think your standards are lax and your writing is mediocre at best which is why you have to write for a blog site instead of having a true job in sports journalism. But let’s not make this personal.

          • Louis Olsen

            Ross, I am sorry. I took your comment a little too personally and should not have posted what I did. I regret it. You deserve an apology.

            I don’t write for this site as of last week, so you will be free from my “lax and mediocre” style evermore. And you are the only reader I have ever had to have a derogatory tone with in over 3 years writing for this site (although one time a guy wished for me to get testicular cancer). Remember your “This is a useless article” comment a few weeks ago? Leaving comments like that gives the illusion that you sit in your tower and cast judgement on people. But how about, in the future, you try and post constructive criticism. Because contrary to your belief, only editors get paid at FanSided. Which means that most of the people you spend your time judging, are doing this for fun or for others enjoyment (I have always done it for fun, with no intention of being a journalist of any kind). You could help them grow and produce things that you want to read by sharing your thoughts on how their work could be better.

            And regardless of what you think about me, stop giving blog writers crap (Disqus tracks every comment you leave, so I can see all your little jabs over at Lombardi Ave too). I don’t care about any of the things you said about me (although I do like that mustache picture), but some blog writers are trying very hard to become legit sports journalists and people like you can single-handedly deter them from that. I have seen it happen over my years at this site. Most young writers have no other choice but to write for blogs to build up a portfolio. So despite what you think about me, please try to be a little more constructive with your feedback to other writers. Because some people really are trying to write something you will enjoy.

          • Ross

            Well I do have a better understanding of why you write what you do and thank you for the clarification. I suppose as an interested reader I would like the people who do receive the sports journalism jobs to be the very best. As do I would imagine their potential employers. If their articles are not good it will detract from readership and they will be an unsuccessful journalist.

            That’s not to say that I think all the articles here are poor. Some are great reads. And there are times where I defend the author or direct what i say at other readers when i believe they are misguided. I speak my mind. And feel I have the right to do so.

            So apologies if you think my comments are intended to be overall demeaning. My only intent is to engage in discussion. Granted that may not have been a discussion starter a few weeks ago I’ll give you that one. But my comment here was not supposed to be overly negative or attacks against you. Just a review of my thoughts and reaction to other discussion. So if that was not received or clear then I do owe you an apology.

          • Louis Olsen

            Thank you for this. Again, I am sorry for being….well, for lack of a better word, a dick. I was way out of line and your initial comment was perfectly in bounds.

            Please keep reading RtB, because like you said…there is some great stuff happening here. That is why I stepped down. No place for my nonsense any more:)