This weekend the worldwide phenomenon known as Harry Potter, finally begins the conclusion of it’s saga. Now many of you might be thinking, “Nerd Alert”. That would be understandable, but I am not thinking about it that way. Instead I am going to cast the Harry Potter films with Brewers players and personnel. Why would I do this? It’s simple, I think there are several similar plot points that connect Harry Potter and the current Brewers team. Harry Potter is in a constant battle to fight the evil forces that surround him, much like a certain Brewer who will be revealed in time. Each casting choice will come complete with a breakdown for you non Potter folks and likewise the non Brewers folks who will be reading this.
Here is what you need to know. Harry Potter is a magician. His parents get killed by an evil magician, Lord Voldermort. He grows up and goes to wizard school. When he gets to wizard school he makes two friends, Ron and Hermione. Every story is about Harry trying to defeat Voldermort, who is pretty much the baddest dude on the planet. In the movies you see them in school for an hour and an hour of them trying to defeat evil magician. The overlying theme in these stories is the importance of love and family. This season could be the last for our current Brewers family, so I thought it would be fun to take 10 characters and show how similar they are to our Crew.
In honor of the end of Harry Potter, this will be a two part-er. If it’s good enough for Hollywood then it’s good enough for me…….right? To some of you this will be fun and silly, while others will not read it simply because it involves said spectacled wizard hero. Just try to sit back and enjoy it………there will be pictures!!!!!
Harry Potter and the General Manager’s Meeting
Groundskeeper at Hogwart’s School of witchcraft and wizardry. He is a half-giant with a love for magical creatures and terrific beards. Hagrid is the guy that our 3 main characters can always turn to in times of trouble. In the films he is portrayed by an actor named Robbie Coltrane. This character is nothing more than a big lovable oaf, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. This casting pretty much made itself, I mean just look at the two of them. Plus Todd Coffey is always so excited to see his friends on the field, that he races to them every single time. Inside sources tell me that they have the same tailor. Todd really needs to ramp up the beard though.
Ryan Braun as Hermione Granger –
Hermione is one of our 3 main characters. Clearly she is the smartest of the 3 and makes sure that she is always the voice of reason. She has non-magical parents which makes her unique to the rest of her classmates. Clearly she is the prettiest of her friends, but does not let that distract her from her goals. Through out all Harry Potter books she is regarded as the best at magic in her class. Some would say Ryan Braun is the best at magic in his class. Look, obviously he is not a woman but I had zero women to choose from. In the days of Shakespeare, men played women all the time and it was perfectly normal. Honestly, I just wanted to use that picture of Braun. This casting will make more sense once we get to the others 2.
Ken Macha as Severus Snape –
A professor at Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who never seems to care much for our hero Harry Potter. His underlying hatred comes from abuse that he suffered at the hands of Harry’s father. As the books go on Snape’s loyalty comes in to question repeatedly. He was a follower of Lord Voldermort at one point in his life, but claims to have renounced that lifestyle. Snape is a bad guy who manages to stay out of trouble until late in the saga. Ken Macha sucks and Snape sucks, that’s the insight into this casting. Macha’s allegiance to the dark lord remains in question.
Dale Sveum as Sirius Black –
Sirius is Harry’s Godfather, who when first introduced is found wrongfully imprisoned. The third story in the saga is about his escape and being reunited with Harry. He is a man who loves Harry so much that he gives his life to save him. This is a character who was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the people he loved. How could I have chosen anyone other than Sveum? He is the most selfless man I can think of. Sveum was our head coach three seasons ago when we went to the playoffs, remember. Now he has agreed to be the hitting coach for a 3rd straight season, simply because he loves the team. These two men are my heroes. Foreshadowing………..
Scott Boras as Lord Voldermort –
Voldermort is the archenemy of Harry Potter and is directly responsibility for the murder of Harry’s parents. His soul purpose is to destroy Harry Potter at any cost, since his initial attempt failed. It is believed that he is the most powerful wizard there ever was or will be. His powers are beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. Lets face it Boras represents all that is wrong with the game. Scott was the one who got A-Rod a $252 million dollar deal, which doubled the previous record for an American athlete. Mr. Boras has a one track mind, much like Voldermort. Plus they kind of look alike……..accept for the nose.
Next week I will reveal five more characters, most importantly……….. Brewers Harry Potter. Truth be told everybody, I am only writing this because the Brewers do not seem to be making much news at the GM meetings. Word on the street is that they do not plan on making any news, so you get Harry Potter. I feel like I should apologize, but it is not my fault. Thanks for reading. Until next time, Expecto Patronum.