Brewers Fake News: Ryan Braun sets fire to self, sells some t-shirts
While attending a recent party thrown in honor of his clothing line, REMETEE, Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun lit his right arm on fire to pump up the crowd. Several onlookers said it was quite a sight, but they were unaware that the clothing line was fireproof. We here at RtB were also unaware of Braun’s clothing being flame-retardant. In fact, I am fairly certain Braun was unaware that his clothing line was not fireproof. Fortunately, Ryan’s skin IS fireproof. I’m surprised most of you did not know that.
Even though the stunt was unplanned, it was still received with a huge uproar from the more than 18 people in attendance. After the fire perished, Braun went on mingling without skipping a beat. This caused a massive stir and more than 25 t-shirts were purchased at event. Which only goes to show you, lighting yourself on fire can (and does) sell more product than being a celebrity.
After the event I sat down with the billiard ball, who had a front row seat to the entire evening:
"Well, when Ryan stuck his arm in the fireplace I was a little concerned. Luckily for me, I am made out of a Phenol formaldehyde resin, so heat is not much of a concern. Tell you what though, that kid is nuts. Just dipped his arm right into the fire. Did not make a peep, just waited until his arm was ablaze, then made his social rounds. In my line of work, you do not see much. By far one of the coolest things I have ever seen."
Criticism portion of the Brewers Fake News:
When is too much marketing bad? Maybe it’s when you light your right arm on fire in order to sell some trendy tees!! We need that arm, Ryan. Stop being so selfish. And wipe that smirk off your face. What’s that? He’s just posing by a fire………oh yes the logs, I see them now. So, he was never really on fire at all?………fake news you say.
The t-shirts look great Ry. What, is that a cherub under the fancy cursive writing? Nothing says, “Hey, I am a trendy laid back southern Cali guy” like a picture of a divine Babylonian angel. And what is on that ball your holding? Is that the Bubba Gump Shrimp logo? What were you doing right before this picture was taken? I would really like to know.
In other fake news:
Here is a funny article David Brown over at Big League Stew wrote about what other fun things Brewers management can give away to season ticket holders. Some really terrific ideas in this article. Also good to read if you had no idea that season ticket holders were getting sweet perks. David gives a nice breakdown of the real giveaways and the much more entertaining fake ones.
For the Brewers Fake News, I’m Lou Olsen…….for now.