Chicago Cubs Rain On Our Parade……What A Surprise!


Yesterday,the Chicago Cubs made a deal with the Tampa Bay Rays, in this deal they received pitcher Matt Garza.  The deal is a carbon copy of the deal the Brewers made to acquire Zack Greinke.  Following in our footsteps, they unloaded the farm system in order to get their work horse righty.  Only real difference, the Cubs gave up 5 prospects and got 2 back (not including Garza).  Much like our deal, they used the farm to solidify the rotation.  Why can’t the Cubs let us have anything?

The one time we try to step into the spotlight, you kick us into the orchestra pit.  Isn’t it bad enough that you can afford the top players in the game.  Are you not happy with your 3 division titles in the last decade!!  Heaven forbid that the precious Cubs take a back seat for a change.  I would rather be cursed than eternally sub-par.  You have always been the Kim Kardashian, while we had to be the other two……you know the tall one and the….other one.  This time we were gonna be Kim.  Jerk move Cubs.  Jerk move.  Why can’t we be Kim?

When the Cubs come to Miller Park every summer, there is no home field advantage.  In fact, my Cub fan friends call Miller Park, “Wrigley North”.  Thanks Cubs.  In fact, Brewers management has to have promotions in order to get more Brewers fans to buy tickets.  For example, 2007 they handed out Yellow shirts that say, “Take Back Miller Park” (I have one in my dresser).  In 2008 it was, “Wear a Cubs shirt in and we will give you a Brewers shirt in exchange for you giving us your Cubs shirt”.  This is what we are reduced to you Illinoisans.  Trying to bribe your fans out of their tattered old Sandberg t-shirt, in order to get a crisp clean royal blue and gold Brewers shirt.

I saw how all of you dirty baby bear lovers reacted when the Brewers made the Greinke deal.  You were green with envy and I didn’t quite know what to make of it.  It was such a new and foreign feeling.  All of a sudden, the Brewers ascended from their post as second fiddle.  Somehow I knew you would not let that stand.  So I watched as you all sat in your towers, hovering over crystal orbs, plotting your coup d’etat.  Stroking your beards and holding a wooden staff.  Just plotting away.

You know what though Cubs, it’s ok.    As I started looking at your roster, I suddenly felt better.  Your bullpen is still kind of weak, other than Marmol.  Your lineup is full of health risks, strikeout professionals, and Marlon Byrd.  I stood up, took a deep breath and said to myself, “Self, this is our year.”  Nice try Cubs.  You will not be raining on this fans parade.  Garza is a really good pitcher, but you guys have bigger salmon to fry.  It’s your turn to be Kourtney and Khloe.

On a serious note, my sympathy and condolences go the families of all those affected by the shooting in Arizona this morning.  A truly unfortunate event in our countries history.  No matter how you feel about Arizona politics, no one deserves to die over it.  Adults should be able to use words.