Joey Votto ruined my Dad’s birthday…A true story


It was my Dad’s birthday today.  Most of you probably do not care, but it is a pretty important part of this mini-article.  If you saw the title and were expecting me to talk about something else, you are going to be disappointed.  This article is about a certain Reds player, who shall remain named, ruining a very pleasant day for a very special man.

Quick Game Synopsis:  Shaun Marcum was great.  Kameron Loe gave up a game winning 2-run homer to Joey Votto in the bottom of the 8th.  And then I puked.  Brewers lose 4-3.

The Milwaukee Brewers are a working man’s team.  If you want the glitz and glamour of baseball, you can be a Cubs fan.  My Pappy is a Brewers fan, a working man.  All he wanted today was to go to work, have a nice dinner with my Mom, and watch the Brewers win a series on the road.  Well, Joey Votto did not like that itinerary.  Mr. Votto thought it would be way more fun if he just slammed a 2-run dagger directly into the third piece of my Padres perfect birthday cake.  Joey Votto, you are, without a doubt, the worst birthday travel agent I have ever known.  I feel like a certain major league first baseman, who plays for the Cincinnati Reds, owes a certain someone else an apology.  Ruining a man’s birthday is just uncalled for.

I know what you are all saying, “but Lou, what about the little kid in Cincinnati who is having the greatest birthday ever?”.  Quite frankly, that kid needs to learn that life is full of disappointment.  My Poppa already knows that life is full of disappointment.  Did Joey Votto think that he was teaching my Dad a lesson?  Well jokes on you Votto.  Should have disappointed that little kid instead, at least then you would have done something worthwhile with your time.  It’s always good to teach kids life lessons.  Never underestimate the value of a real education.  Twisting a lemon into the open wound of my old man’s soul, just makes you look like a jerk.  So the last laugh is on you Joey Votto.

All joking aside, I was talking to my Dad tonight and we were on the phone as Kam Loe got the first two Reds batters out in the 8th.  We cheered together, as Loe mowed down the first two batters.  My Dad even mentioned how good Loe looked, and that maybe he should pitch the 9th inning too.  When Loe plunked Brandon Phillips, I knew it was going to be bad.  So then we said our goodnight’s and I wished him happy Chanukah, inappropriately as it turned out.  The moment I pushed ‘End Call’, Joey Votto had pulverized a weak breaking pitch down the middle of the plate.  I did not have the heart to call my Dad back.  Thanks a lot Joey Votto.  I used to like you, but now you went and made it personal.

If you want to make it up to him, I recommend you build a time machine.  Once you have done that, go back in time….to today.  Then just strike out instead.  If that does not seem feasible, I would take an interview with “League MVP”…if that is your real name.  You name the time and the place Votto, and I will be there…with something for you to sign for my dad.  It’s the least you could do dude.

Happy Birthday Dad!  Sorry Joey Votto ruined your day.  Love you Mom!  See you guys in a few days.

I will be back in Brewers nation, just 5 days from now.  Awesome.

Can you guess how many times I said, “Joey Votto” in this article?  I’ll give you a hint…a few too many.