I promised myself I would not do this again for a while, but I was unaware that Mrs. Axford was pregnant and expecting. That being the case, I thought it only appropriate that we welcome the newest member to the Axford clan appropriately.
John Brian Axford was born just before 2 AM last Tuesday, June 7th. So, I figured it would take the kid about a week before his mustache would be in full bloom. If my math is correct, which almost never happens, John Jr. should already be learning about all of the powers his mustache may possess. This is an artist’s rendering of what Jr. might look like today:
I thought today would be the perfect opportunity to welcome the kid to the Brewers family. Especially when you consider the teams horrific play in Wrigley the past two nights. Now keep in mind, this list of facts are geared towards the powers a mustache provides for a child, not a full grown man with a 97 mph fastball.
Without further adieu, may I present the first edition of John Axford Jr. Mustache Facts:
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache is already reading at a 4th grade level
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache wears number 60 around the house, because he wants his Dad to know that he is just a bit better than the old man
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache has already painted a self-portrait of himself to give his Dad for Father’s Day
- John Axford Jr’s mustache has already grown out of Sesame Street, so he jumped straight to the Muppet Show and Fraggle Rock
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache blew through the beginner LEGO’s while he was sitting in the hospital last week, this week he is working on his Pirates of the Caribbean LEGO’s
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache bought his first Led Zepplin album this weekend because he was sick of hearing “The Wheels on the Bus”
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache is not crazy about what Gerber is passing off as turkey and split-peas these days
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache already has a stamp on his passport (Warning: this may be an actual fact)
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache is 6-1 in staring contests with the family dog, he’s a born winner
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache has begun preparing for the 2014 Winter Olympics, the Canadian Curling team needed another sweeper
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache is only 8 days old, but still knows that “The Hangover 2” was a terrrible idea
- John Axford Jr’s Mustache hates the term ‘peach fuzz’, hair is hair no matter how soft and fine it may be!
Hope you are all able to enjoy these today. It is hard to smile and laugh when the team is playing this way. The bullpen has been terrible and the offense is back to it’s usual road b-s. That being the case, I decided today was the best day to embrace John Jr. Spread the word, tell all of your friends. I will talk to everyone later.