What I Learned From the Ryan Braun Saga


There is a lot that we could talk about.  It has been an eventful day to say the least!!

Let’s start by taking a collective sigh together, as a fan base.  Sigh.  Ryan Braun was exonerated by the arbitration committee today, by a final vote of 2-1.  Brauny is the first player in the history of Major League Baseball to have a 50-game suspension for testing PED positive, thrown out.  Braun will miss no time this season.  Needless to say, Bud Selig and company are pissed about it.  Good.  Selig is one of my least favorite people on this beautiful planet, so the fact that this causes him great turmoil and pain…well it just puts a big grin on my face.

Word on the street is, Braun got the suspension thrown out because the person who was charged with handling the sample, picked it up on a Saturday…then left it in their refrigerator over the weekend.  On the following Monday morning, they took it to the local FedEx.  In the eyes of the hearing committee, that was enough to set Braun free.  Other than that, we know nothing about what happened over the past 5 weeks.  And if I know the MLB like I think I do, we may never know.  I am okay with that, how about you?

There are three key things that I learned from this poop circus, and without any real facts to debate this is all I really have before I let this go and we never speak of it again.  And I do mean NEVER again.

1)      In today’s society, there is no such thing as confidentiality –

I am going to start by blaming the only party that is truly at fault in this entire Jerry Bruckheimer-esque disaster.  It’s not Braun, the hearing committee, or even the careless urine collector.  No, that would be the worldwide leader in sports, ESPN.  They were the ones who leaked “confidential” medical results, which I am pretty sure is illegal.  By leaking that information, ESPN has completely lost my patronage and good will.  My distain for this matter may even lead to me staying away from Monday Night Football.  **Just another thing ESPN has ruined for me, Monday Nights**   Congratulations ESPN, you just lost a viewer.  Forever.  I will be sticking with the MLB Network, NFL Network, CBS Sports, Yahoo Sports, MSN Sports…hmm, you all of a sudden have become expendable.  You are nothing more to me than the National Enquirer.  You can continue to pay Ouster Blney to spread his hunches as fact (he still thinks the Brewers are the front-runners to sign Jose Reyes) and it will not impact my life one tiny bit.  But, I really should thank you.  Thanks to your irresponsibility, I will always read any and all confidentiality agreements.  Whether that be on my iPod, at my massage therapists office, or at the bank.  No confidentiality notice will ever go unread in the Olsen household again.  If I was Ryan Braun I would sue your four lettered asses.  Thanks to Twitter, Facebook, and TMZ, nothing is confidential any more.  ESPN has proven that you can’t even take a piss without someone finding out about it. 

2)      Everyone would have been better off not knowing –   

That is the one consistent thing that people on both sides of the Braun argument could agree on today.  Whether you were for Braun or against him, the consensus was that we all wish we could unknow this information.  We could have all lived in blissful ignorance.   Three months of speculation, can turn into herpes accusations (TMZ).  There would have been no reason for countless writers to demand Braun give back his MVP trophy, or endlessly ask Matt Kemp about it.  Why bother Matt Kemp?  It is not his problem.  He is probably the only person more excited about this ruling than Ryan.  I could have spent the off-season questioning the Brewers management for adding so many outfielders.  Brew Crew Nation could have enjoyed Christmas.  That’s right, I spent my X-Mas in Minnesota having to defend our hero to those fricking Twins and Vikings fans.  **Add that to the list of things ESPN ruined for me, CHRISTMAS ESPN!!!  CHRISTMAS YOU JERKS!!!!**  Brewers management could have not spent money on Jay Gibbons yesterday.  How bad do think that guy feels today?  It is far more disappointing to get a job and lose it the next day, then to have never had a job at all.  There are very few people that can honestly say that they are glad they knew about this positive test back in December.  If you find one, send them my way.  Cardinals, Cubs, Yankees fans…everyone on Twitter today agreed that we all would have been better off if that information had never been released.  Especially, Ryan Braun. 

3)      No One Is Perfect –

Look, I am a realist.  Even though Braun was exonerated, that does not mean he is innocent.  My gut tells me that the pee guardian did not have testosterone basted chicken in the fridge.  The urine protector, is not perfect… and that is why we are here today.  Something may have been fishy about his sample getting to the lab, but the results are hard to ignore.  Testosterone does not spike to 4 times the normal limit unless you are the Incredible Hulk.  We have to remember that no matter how great he is on the field, Ryan is just a human.  All of us make mistakes, but we all have the fortune to not be in the public eye.  So instead of CNN and Fox News kicking down our door, just our wives or girlfriends find out.  They open-palm slap us and we move on.  It lasts a few minutes and life goes on.  Braun’s open-palm face smack could be a little black rain cloud hovering over his head for the rest of his career.  That is something that comes with the territory I’m afraid.  He is our team’s hero, but he is not a super-hero.  While it is great that he will not be suspended, there is no evidence that he did not ingest a PED…in fact it is quite the contrary.  But, since there are no facts, you are free to believe what you want to believe.  I for one, am of the opinion that a young man made a mistake and got away with it.  Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t, but that does not matter anymore as long as he learned his lesson…and never puts us through this again.  Only baseball matters now.

Ok, now I would like to never talk about this topic again.  Deal?  I have been waiting for this decision for 3 months and now that I have it, I would feel better if we never discussed it again.  I mean it!  Baseball time now.

Go Brewers!!