Today is the first official off day for the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers. This means with the upcoming series with the Dodgers covered both here and abroad, it seemed unnecessary to dig any deeper there. This early in the season it seems rushed and inopportune for me to question anyone’s ability (except for Cesar Izturus, who is my 2012 version of Kotsay). What’s an editor to do when he has a dearth of news to cover?
For most people, they would probably try to edit some larger work, research statistics or search for hot players wives on the internet all day. But that’s selfish. I wanted to do something of benefit for Brewers fans everywhere, so I wrote down a list of nicknames for Nyjer Morgan.
Some of these are official Alter-egos (if such a thing can exist), and there a few jotted down that I would hope you find useful in different situations I would imagine Morgan doing. Because as you know with Nyjer – the sky is the limit.
Nyjer Morgan is off to a rough start this year, which makes me sad because I like the way he plays and his twitter feed is way more fun to follow when he’s on a hot streak. Because when he is on a hot streak, he lets his crazy and awesome out through a character known as Tony Plush – a man who needs no introduction. This is his most well-known nom de guerre, and has quickly spawned a small little family of crazy/awesome characters.
Tony Hush – The strong, silent type of Family Plush, Hush comes out when Nyjer gets into trouble for his youthful hijinks or if he needs to focus on his Plushdamentals. As far as we can tell, this is the current persona of Mr. Morgan. According to his official website, Tony Hush is “the weatherman” who “quiets the storm and lowers the temperature”.
Tony Gumbo – Despite his name, it appears that Mr. Gumbo is not of creole descent, but rather a sophisticated and articulate gentleman who is designed to give polite interviews and frustrate Telly Hughes during a search for post-game sound bytes. Described by Morgan’s website as “the true professional”, “gourmet”, and “man about town.”
Tony Tombstone – The least known sub-species of Tony Plush, I think Nyjer himself describes him best:
"Don’t be fooled by his name or his wardrobe. Tony Tombstone is the “City Slicker.” The street-smart suit with a heart of gold who when you least expect it, will rope you in with his charm and wit."
Tombstone was last seen boarding a plane late in 2011 when the whole team dressed as cowboys for no real reason. Speculation involves Tony Tombstone was a driving force for the incident, but no investigation has been completed.
Nyjer also has several other “official” nicknames you may feel free to use. If you’re in a South-of-the-Border mood, Nyjer has given his family of Tony Plush alter-egos a Latin cousin by the name of Antonio Picante, which I assume means that he is fiery, hot, spicy, or in some other way performing superlatively. Here are my favorites:
Mr. Eezzy Breezzy – Scholars have pondered this name for some time, but only Morgan himself holds the real answer. I like to think that it refers to his laid-back personality, but perhaps he sits on the board of Cover Girl. Both seem equally likely.
Mr. Got 2 B Startin’ Somethin’ – I assume this name refers to the fact that Nyjer Morgan enjoys being the individual to motivate people, or start any number of wonderful activities.
The following names are my invention – or at least the first time I’ve seen them in print – offered to Mr. Morgan and the public at large if ever you should feel at a loss to describe the Brewers Centerfielder in any given situation.
Tony Slush – When Nyjer is seen walking the streets of Milwaukee in January or February.
Tony Mush – For when he suddenly has the urge to enter the Iditarod (probably 2013)
Tony Thrush – The part of Nyjer Morgan’s personality that has a deep yearning to hunt songbirds and pheasants
Tony Crush – When Nyjer is on a power-hitting streak
Tony Gush – When Nyjer just has to tell you what Karen did at the mall yesterday
Tony Flush – I sincerely hope he brings this out every time he needs to use the bathroom
Tony Shush –
- If Nyjer decides to be a librarian
- What he would become when his children misbehave in public
Tony Lush – Tony Plush at the bar, perhaps?
Tony Brush – Nyjer’s name after being blown back by a close pitch or his new name after he successfully enters the art scene
Tony Blush – Sometimes Nyjer can put his foot in his mouth (who hasn’t?) and this name would be appropriate after such an occasion
Tony Jumbo – This unfortunate name would work if Nyjer would somehow gain an enormous amount of weight and also be a broadcaster
Whatever his name, Nyjer Morgan is one (or many) of the characters that makes Milwaukee such a great team to watch. If you have any other nicknames you’d like to toss into the ring, leave them in the comments section.