2012 MLB All Star Break: The Milwaukee Brewers Are Your Girlfriend

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

More specifically, the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend from high school that you wanted to break up with one day, then your mindset went for a complete, X Games-worthy, 540-degree reversal after an awesome time at the bowling alley or her house.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

You want to break up, call it quits, say “it’s not you, but…it’s you” after another series loss. But then the relationship is vamped by a rhythmic winning streak  profiled by clutch hitting, wily base running, prolific pitching, and heart-melting curveballs stemming from John Axford’s facial hair.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

You think about breaking up and becoming a seller after a rough patch until the standings say differently. Six games back of the second Wild Card spot and trailing the division-leading Pirates (try reading that with a straight face) by eight.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

Much like Major League Baseball does every summer, you take a break to sort things out and establish where your relationship is. Should we go for broke now or part ways and place our solicitous hopes on the next season or the next person to sweep us off our feet.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

The bullpen reminds you nearly every night of why it’s just not working out, but, damn, Ryan Braun is a great place to go for a date.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

The ball-spiking, three-starts-in-a-row pitching Zack Greinke is an essential component to the relationship. Separating from now him will save some cash and bring in some goods that you may not get if you lose him in a few months, anyway.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend.

You’re hanging onto hope for another two weeks, at least. The biggest bumps and fights and ugly prom pictures and ugly rumors will come against Pittsburgh, St. Louis, and Cincinnati in the next fourteen days. All hope will either be lost or blooming like the weeds in my high school’s outfield after that stretch. Stick it out, see what happens.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

You’re assured to hate Axford and K-Rod for at least one day per week each but their occasional examplar performance is worth not burning that player t-shirt you spent $25 on.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are your girlfriend. 

Either a break up is coming soon and you’ll be consequentially depressed for the next couple of months or a good two weeks will provide the fuel to see you through to that OMG-so-totes-epic party that your Bud is throwing in October.