Here at Reviewing the Brew, we do things a little differently. We aren’t the mundane flavor of ESPN and we don’t do slideshows about ridiculous things no one cares about. At RtB, we predict things like the rest of you, but our predictions come with a little kick…scratch that…they come with a David Beckham-meets-Pele kick.
Will the Polish Sausage really go winless in May? Mandatory Credit: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports
Frankly, our fortune-telling skills are unusual. We don’t enjoy predicting scenarios that every other Brewers fan on the face of Wisconsin have already taken a shot at. We forecast the unique, the unpredictable, and the crazy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Reviewing the Brew’s predictions for 2013.
1. Bob Uecker will mention Usinger sausages 2,916 times (world record?)
2. Hot dogs and brats will outsell beer (this will be a fight to the finish)
4. Mat Gamel will lead the team in home runs in April (he has six career home runs)
5. Aramis Ramirez will steal 4 bases (stole a career-high nine bases in 2012)
6. Starting rotation will have the most strikeouts in the MLB (fifth in the MLB last season)
7. Ron Roenicke will best last season’s total and be ejected 3 times (show some anger, Ron!)
8. Rickie Weeks will have a huge bounceback season, hitting .270 with 25 homers and swiping 20 bags (Comeback Player of the Year?)
9. Nyjer Morgan will attend a Brewers game wearing his Tony Plush helmet.
10. Bullpen will have one of the best ERAs in the National League (dead last in baseball in 2013)
11. Doug Melvin will not appear a single time at a Brewers game wearing a suit jacket
12. The Polish Sausage will not win a race in the entire month of May
13. John Axford will grow a beard (this would be a shocker)
14. A game at Miller Park will be delayed because the umpires will be too busy tweeting (damn you, social media)
15. Mike Fiers will hit a walk-off home run
Jean Segura has a lot to prove in 2013. Mandatory Credit: Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports
17. Norichika Aoki will steal 40+ bases (30 last season)
18. Aramis Ramirez will charge the mound but be tackled by the catcher before he makes it
19. Yovani Gallardo will score the first Brewers run
20. Norichika Aoki will have double-digit infield hits
21. A Brewers player will win a Gold Glove (last Brewers Gold Glove Winner was Robin Yount in 1982)
22. The Brewers will finish over .500 in games played with the new gold jerseys (new uniforms usually mean bad luck)
23. Jean Segura will pull an unassisted triple play against, of course, the Cubs.
24. Marcus Hanel will be voted ‘Best Bullpen Catcher’ (first they have to create that award)
25. Jean Segura will lead the MLB in errors
26. Milwaukee will go on a 10-game winning streak in July, then lose 10 in a row in August.
27. The Brewers will not make any moves at the trade deadline.
28. Corey Hart will break his thumb in his first game back from knee surgery
29. John Axford will listen to Taylor Swift while entering the ninth inning.
30. Jonathan Lucroy will have his first 20 home run season.
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