BREAKING: Sausage Costume Recovered, Sanity Restored


Our great National nightmare is over.

For about 12 hours, the Milwaukee Brewers fans, sausage enthusiasts and Klement’s employees were shaken to their core as brazen brat bandits absconded the likeness of Guido – the Italian Racing Sausage – and paraded it around the Cedarburg area in a daring and dangerous night-time raid of the Milwaukee Curling Club’s backroom on February 16th.

The Italian Sausage raced back into the waiting arms of its handlers today. A few hours after we all learned what happened. (Chris Morrison-USA TODAY Sports)

The city breathed a sigh of relief today as officials heading up the investigation recovered the Italian sausage suit none the worse for wear. The sausage thieves were finally smoked out thanks to a bartender who saw the two crucial links in the crime enter her establishment, and attempted to cure the ills of the community by reporting it to the authorities.

The official story can be found here, thanks to the crack team of ESPN’s investigative arm. I would think we all had a little part in rooting out the location of our naturally cased National Treasure.

There. I think I fit in just about all the sausage puns I could in a day. Have a good night folks.