3 Brews, Deep Thoughts


This photo was not photoshopped. Ron Roenicke is smiling. Photo: Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

This is a new segment I wanted to introduce, and it might not go very well…but at this point in my Sunday evening…after a 4 game sweep, I am willing to risk it.

Whenever things are looking pretty bad in Brewer town, I am going to drink 3 beers and then try to create some Deep Thoughts, a la Jack Handy from SNL during the 1990’s.  If you are unfamiliar with this series of clever mini-sketches, go out and find them.  I promise they will make you laugh.

Since, I don’t do Axford Mustache Facts anymore and I have stopped doing “Lists”, I thought this would be something fun to try.  Also, keep in mind that I am 3 pints into a certain adult beverage named after a certain polka-dotted moo-mammal (In my mind this is a very clever way to reveal the beer I have consumed, but when I sober up this will probably look pretty dumb).

Enough of that stuff.  Now, for some Deep Thoughts…

Whenever the Brewers play the Cardinals, they remind me of day old asparagus pee.  They both stink more than they did the day before, and the only thing left to do is flush ’em and move on with your day. 

If Rickie Weeks had a nickel for every hit he has this season, he would have enough money to put a down payment on a PowerBall ticket.  But if he and Alex Gonzalez combined their nickels, they would still need a quarter. That’s where Logan Schafer comes in…$222 Million split 3 ways is enough for each of them to retire.  Lucky us.

On Sunday, Marco Estrada said that he had no idea where the ball was going.  That sounds like more of a vision problem then a pitching problem.  I had no problem seeing the ball go over the fence, between fielders, and not over the plate.  But in his defense, I had my glasses on.  Someone should get him to an Optometrist. 

Next we are going to play the Rangers.  Does anyone else feel like the Rangers are the Brewers of the American league?   They can not afford to keep their top players, the play second-sport-fiddle to football, and have more drunk driving incidents per capita than any other sports markets.  I never wanted to have this much in common with the state of Texas, but why should I hide who I am inside.  Hah, now I am rhyming.

John Axford would never come to your work and boo you anytime you didn’t fill out your TPS report correctly.  He would simply stop by your desk, twirl the point of his beard and say something encouraging.  Don’t treat Axford the way K-Rod would treat you.  Because K-Rod would boo you, back-hand you, then tell you he loves you and beg you not to call the police.

Sometimes I look at Ron Roenicke and wonder who would play him in a movie.  Then I remember that they only make movies about good coaches.

Carlos Gomez needs to either get a smaller helmet, or grow a bigger afro.  Everytime he runs the bases I feel like the National Anthem is going to start playing.  He plays every game like he is wearing a safari hat on a speed boat.

If I could pick one movie to describe Yuniesky Betancourt‘s career with the Brewers, it would be ‘Backdraft’.  Not necessarily because of anything in the movie, but because I feel like the title will make people go, “Yeah, that totally makes sense for Yuni”.

Ok, so that’s it for this time around.  Let me know what you think of this segment.  Did you enjoy it, did it make you feel better, do you want me to move to Canada and leave you alone?  Comment below, so I can determine if my drunken ramblings are worth continuing.  My wife and liver will thank you if you hate it, and I will thank you if you like it…because it is fun.