20 Years Later, the Sausages Still Rule

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Various Racing Hot Dogs

I’m not sure which Hot Dog race this is from. I’m not sure it matters. I’m not sure I like living in a world with this many racing sausages. (Eric P. Mull-USA TODAY Sports)

Both the Cleveland Indians and the Kansas City Royals have hot dogs off to the races during their home games. While I certainly applaud any small-market team doing what they can to get fans excited about going through the turnstiles, it disappoints me that they barely tried to really own it.

I mean, hot dogs?

Cleveland gets a little clever by giving one of their hot dogs thick-rimmed glasses like Wild Thing Rick Vaughn, but in terms of creativity they never really to get into the spirit of it. Maybe it would be a more impassioned race if they trotted out the collective hopes and dreams of the city’s sports fans and forced them to watch the race drag on for hours on end until the weather, general apathy, or an errant ball in play took them all out. It seems more fitting.

For Kansas City, the best possible way to turn the mascot race into the sort of spectacle that could top the Racing Sausages is to have Bo Jackson try to take out the competitors one by one with his compound bow, and the fan who guesses the correct the order of the kills wins a year’s supply of steak, a la The Hunger Games.

You gotta think outside the box if you want to be the best.