Ex-Brewers Poetry: Brooks Conrad


Reviewing the Brew weekend led to a lot of wonderful things, among them being the creation of the series of Poems to Former Brewers

Burly greatness on the face of Brooks Conrad. (Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports)

with senior staffer Lou Olsen.

Opening up the series is an ode to 2012 Milwaukee Brewer Brooks Conrad, of whom my affection I will never live down.

Conrad signed with Milwaukee in the winter before their 2012 campaign as a non-roster invitee. He started the season in AAA Nashville, where he hit .405 with ten homers in 28 games, which, of course, translated to “great” things at the big league level. He went 3-40 in 25 games with the Brewers, including 27 consecutive hitless at-bats to open the season.

Brooks Conrad, in theory, was a beautiful thing,

Strong cheek bones doubled with a flawless swing.I once loved, but soon learned to never love the faceOf such a player who struck out over twice more than he got on base.From the very beginnings, his pinch hitting prowess was appealing to me, After posting a spring on-base percentage of three-forty-three.The Brewers, however, did not feel the sameAnd Brooks started the season in Triple-A. How could they do that to a player so great?It was a stupid move. No need for a rhyme here.Eventually, Milwaukee gave him the callAnd Brooks Almighty and his sheer muscles promised to hit the ball.All his minor league success was bound to carry over to the bigs,Because even Yuni B was really good at one point. Flying pigs.His Brewers debut was, essentially, nothing short of heaven.Until Brooks Conrad went all Brooks Conrad and was Oh-For-Twenty-Seven.