Ex-Brewers Poetry: Richie Sexson


This photo of Richie Sexson’s Brewers Bobblehead, is brought to you in part by Justin Schultz. He has every Brewers bobblehead known to man…accept his beloved Rickie Weeks. Coincidence? Probably.

As Curt has already pointed out, the Reviewing the Brew weekend outing was awesome.  And no, not just because of baseball, beer, and meat in tube form.  It gave us all an opportunity to brainstorm and really try to be something more than just another Brewers news site.  We are NOT a Brewers news site.  We are a Brewers FAN site.  It is time that we started embracing this very cool responsibility.

From that mentality, Justin created the “Most Positive Brewers Article Ever”, and Curt and I have begun stretching our poetic chops with Ex-Brewers Poetry.

Curt wrote a beautiful elegant prose poem about his 2012 man-crush, Brooks Conrad.  It was beautiful, the images were moving, and I even cried a little.  I chose Richie Sexson to start my poetic endeavor.  One does not write pose poetry about Richie Sexson.  So after a few drafts, I decided to pay homage to Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein.  And cap it with a quick apologetic Haiku (you will understand in a minute).  I hope you enjoy both of my Richie Sexson poems.

You were a god amongst mortals,

Smashing the ball through dimensional portals.

Cleveland said you stood ten feet high,

Like Paul Bunyan, if he were an ordinary guy.

The original Home Run King of Miller Park,

Keeping catcher’s mitts empty and dark.

For 3 whole seasons you set the ball free,

133 slides for our mascot, Bernie.

Over five-hundred big whiffs…which is not great,

But in your defense, you had a lot on your plate.

It must be hard to be the only show in town,

With no one’s Bud, Selig keeping you down.

Then one morn, you were shipped to the desert,

Swapping your thick parka,

for a light polo shirt.

It was hard to be sad, we got a great haul,

It worked out for the Crew…Craig Counsell and all.

You played in the sand and you played in the rain,

But only one place loved you more than the game.

Even though you are gone, remember big Richie,

You were the only Sexson our City. 

To make up for that terrible Sex in the City joke/reference, here is a quick manly Haiku:

Richie Sexson smash

Richie Sexson love his wife

Richie Sexson Hulk