Ex-Brewers Poetry Grades: Professor Pleiss


No mustaches were harmed in the taking of this picture.

Last week, fellow staff writer Curt Hogg and I took on a new endeavor.  We called our new segment “Ex-Brewers Poetry”.  The focus of our first two poems; the great Richie Sexson and some guy named Brooks Conrad.  I think that they both turned out pretty well, unfortunately…a dear friend of ours happens to be a poetry professor at a University that doesn’t exist. 

If you know anything about fellow FanSided (Puckett’s Pond) writer Eric Pleiss, you should know that he is RtB family.  Members of the RtB family are free to do pretty much anything they want.  Eric reached out to me and said that he was actually a poetry instructor at the very prestigious USUCK (Uecker State University Community Kollege) in Minnesota.  He said that he had gone through Curt and I’s poems and graded them in the hopes that we could grow as poets.

In true educator fashion, he corrected them in red pen.  Leaving some notes, corrections, but most importantly…grades.  While I may not agree with my poems grade, or the fact that he misinterpreted some of my imagery…the man is a professional baseball poet and poetry teacher, so he knows better than I.  And besides, how often can you have one of your pals harshly judge your work?

First let’s take a look at what he thought of Curt’s Brooks Conrad poem.

Curt got a pretty good grade considering this is a love letter to one of the most forgettable Brewers ever. And no…I am not bitter.

Now, this is what he thought of my poem.  SPOILER ALERT: He did not like it at all.

This was completely wasted on you Professor. Clearly you have forgotten that poetry should be about the images and letting the reader discover the deeper meanings. I am outraged!!!

It’s a sad day when you write a Haiku that is better than your actual poem.

Smash works on multiple levels Eric…how can you be so obtuse?

If you have an interest in baseball poetry, please feel free to reach out to Professor Pleiss.  I warn you…he is harsh, harsh but fair.  Thank you Eric for taking time out of your busy schedule to completely miss the fact that no one in Milwaukee cares about the Bucks and that “You played in the desert(Arizona D’Backs) and you played in the Rain (Seattle Mariners)” was a reference to Sexson’s other long term teams.

Be sure to follow the professor on Twitter @ERolfPleiss.  Also be sure to check out the “Talk to Contact” Podcast, starring…Eric Pleiss.