2013 Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss Inductee: Manny Parra

Put down the glove and ball Manny. They can’t hurt you any more. Photo: Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

This is a truly terrific (or horrible, depending on how you view the glass) day for Brewers baseball.  Today we announce the newest member of “The Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss”.  This years inductees will join Jeff Suppan and Eric Gagne’s pictures, which hang above the toilet in my powder room.

Truth be told, I was surprised by your voting.  It seemed, to me, that this person was hardly as terrible as some of our other nominees, or our previous inductees.  But the people have spoken…

Without further adieu, here is the induction speech I have prepared.

What can I say about Manny Parra that hasn’t already been said about the Walt Disney Films “John Carter” and “The Lone Ranger”: Cost too much money, wasn’t worth it, great in theory, terrible on paper, and the overseas market has no interest.     

Manny Parra was drafted by the Brewers in 2001, as an 18-year-old with a filthy split fingered fast ball.  Over the next 6 seasons he would develop into a 24-year-old with a filthy split fingered fast ball.  Manny Parra is one of those rare cases where home-grown talent and development failed to make a player any better than when they first arrived.  The Brewers gave him plenty of opportunities to be a starter in the big leagues, whilst Parra gave them plenty of opportunities to re-think that decision. 

In his defense, he is the only pitcher I have ever seen with a .500 record as a starter who also carried an ERA of 6+.  And that is…something, I guess.

When he was nominated by our Editor, Ben Orr, he had this to say about Parra:

"I’m sorry, but he just flat-out sucked during his tenure with Milwaukee. His first year (2007), sure he had an ERA of 3.76 (the lowest of his career until the 2013 season) but that was only in NINE games. Imagine how much it would’ve ballooned in more, much like the rest of his years with the Brewers. He couldn’t pitch relief, he barely could spot start and had 17, yes ladies and gentlemen, 17 wild pitches in 2008. How does that even happen?"

Now Parra is unique to the Hall, because he is still working.  Both Gagne and Suppan’s careers effectively ended once they finished sucking the Brewers bank vault dry.  Not Manny!  He just signed a 2-year deal with the Cincinnati Reds.  Which means that he will remain active and could potentially join the “Hall of Reds We Won’t Miss”.  That is, if I can ever get the guys at Blog Red Machine to go for it…

If there was any bright spot to his time in Milwaukee, it would have been the 2008 NLDS.  Parra had been removed from the rotation and put in the bullpen.  He faced 9 batters, gave up no hits, and walked 1 batter.  Other than that, it was mostly mediocre to bad.

Personally, I never thought Parra was that bad…but I also never thought he was that good either.  Which means that I won’t miss him.  So by definition, he belongs in the Hall of Brewers We Won’t Miss.  The number 26 will be worn by another player (Kyle Lohse is already sporting it , very well I might add) and Parra will be forgotten.  Unless of course you ever come over and have to use the powder room in my house, in which case you might ask “Who is that dude?” to which I will reply, “Meh, he’s not worth remembering.” 

Now we must lay him in his final resting place, a laminated 8″x10″ photo (no frame) hanging over a toilet.  This all could have been avoided, had he just grown a mustache…and sucked less.  Good night sweet prince.