Lou’s Brewers Banalities 2014: February Edition

Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome back to the second edition of this seasons “Brewers Banalities”. For those of you joining us for the first time, here is just a quick catch-up:

"If you are not sure what a banality is, it is just a fancy way of saying “old news” or “cliché”. Essentially, once a month I am going to lay out a couple of Brewers issues or topics that may be a little played out, but then I will give them my spin. I have been told that my spin is sometimes stupid, uneducated, and even immature."

Quite a bit has happened since I last went on a rampage, so let’s see what I’ve got in my nonsense goody bag.

Matt Garza is a Brewer…question mark…?

This signing caught me off guard. Like if a polar bear showed up at Burning Man…you would be caught off guard.  Or if George Clooney starred in an episode of the Vampire Diaries.  Such was this deal.  Of all the things I had deep seeded concerns over, going into 2014, the starting rotation was not really one of them.  I felt like the bullpen and 1st base should have been bigger focuses for spending money.  But, for the second straight season the Brewers added an arm to the starting cavalry.  In my opinion, this signing signifies the end of the Yovani Gallardo era.  Whether that be through a trade, release, or good old-fashioned free agency…it really doesn’t matter.  It would appear the Brewers are prepping to not have number 49 around after this season.  My hope would be that they use him as a trade piece, should the team find themselves in contention come the first week of July.  The overall money on this contract is fine (especially considering that the Phillies just spent $16M for one year of A.J. Burnett…YIKES!!).  This signing as a whole is fine on paper.  But how long until Garza gets hurt?  Or how long until he throws out his arm over-reaching for his fastball?  Just something to ponder while I lose my mind in the next segment.

The Wrath of K-Rod

If you are familiar with this site and my work, it will come as no surprise to you that I have a deep seeded contempt for Mr. Francisco Rodriguez.  When we traded for him, I was pissed.  Then when we brought him back, my anger cup runneth over.  They say that “the 3rd time is the charm”, but somehow I doubt it.  As long as Ron Roenicke is the skipper, I assume that K-Rod will always be a part of this organization.  That is something my therapist and I will be talking about next week, in the return of “Brewers Therapy”.  So I will save some of my concerns for that.  But the thing that bothers me the most, the feather in this crap hat…Donovan Hand was the roster casualty.  Not only was Hand an invaluable commodity out of the bullpen late last year, he made 7 starts!!  Luckily, he cleared waivers and will most likely start the season in Triple-A Nashville.  But that is not the point…we are washing perfectly good young talent off the roster in favor of that four-eyed, over-confident, rage-fueled, occasionally terrible…dude.  I wanted them to bolster the bullpen, but not like this.  Sure, he will probably solidify the bullpen.  And in all likelihood he will end the season as the closer (my confidence in Henderson is not high), but that does not mean that I have to like it.  If there is any silver lining to take away from this deal, it is that I don’t think we over-paid him.  In this particular instance, I believe we are paying him a fair market price.  So there’s that…

Bob Uecker talks ‘Major League IV’

I could not have been happier to hear this news.  When the actor who played Coach Lou Brown passed away, I was inconsolable.  To me, the Major League movies are the perfect mix of sports movie and comedy.  You get all of the comedy you can stomach, with a healthy dose of the sport as well.  Heck, I even like ‘Major League: Back to the Minors’ and I am not ashamed of that fact.  Still funny.  The thought of Harry Doyle getting back in the booth for another Major League movie makes me so irrationally happy.  Even though there are no plot details, I have an idea:

Jake Taylor has been out of baseball for 10 years, after winning a World Series as the Indians skipper and then immediately being fired by whats her face.  He has moved on to a quiet farm life with his hot wife Rene Russo (no idea what her character name is).  Under new ownership, the Indians come a knocking and offer to let him pick his own staff.  Jake agrees and now has to round-up his staff: Rick Vaughn, Willie Mays Hayes, Pedro Cerano, and Roger Dorn.  With a unique coaching staff and a roster full of new players, hilarity ensues on-and-off the field. 

Now if anyone from Hollywood wants me to write this script, you can reach out to my agent Don Pitsch…he is on the LinkedIn and the Facebook.  He will handle all of my contract negotiations.  I will require Wesley Snipes to return as Willie…no one wants Omar Epps (except Omar Epps).

Gorzelanny Shoulder Situation

Word on the street is that he should be ready for Opening Day, but I worry about him.  Supposedly he had a “cleanup” procedure back in December.  I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure that any procedure on your throwing shoulder should be viewed as a serious problem.  The bullpen really needs him.  Without Tommy boy, the veteran presence in the bullpen will be K-Rod and none of us want that.  Don’t pretend like you are cool with that…even if you love K-Rod, you can not have a temperamental dude like that crafting young pitchers psyches.  So hurry back Tom Gorzelanny…the bullpen needs you.