Milwaukee Brewers: The Best and Worst Players Weekend Uni’s

Bottom Five

5. Jett Bandy – “Sinker-Slider”

Uhh what? Bandy, you aren’t even a pitcher. You don’t even throw sinkers or sliders. He can’t hit them either as shown by his .214 batting average. Maybe that’s just because he calls sinkers and sliders since he’s a catcher but this really makes no sense.

Who calls Bandy “Sinker-Slider” like that doesn’t even roll off the tongue. are his teammates just like, “Hey here comes good ole Sinker-Slider walking over, how you doin?”. I doubt it. He should’ve gone with a pun based on his names or something that seems relevant. If he went with something like “Airplane” or “747” that would’ve made sense, but this doesn’t.

4. Chase Anderson – “Texas”

A state? I get it, Anderson is from Texas originally so it makes sense that his teammates would call him Texas. But so is Corey Knebel, so is Taylor Jungmann and they actually played at the University of Texas. Anderson, however, played his college ball at the University of… Oklahoma, which is arch-rivals with Texas.

I thought for sure Anderson would have something more interesting. Maybe “Pull-up” for his pull-up that he does before each inning or “Since when can I throw 95 MPH?” because that would be true even though it’s a bit long. But still he could do better.

3. Oliver Drake – “Bucko”

Honestly this sounds like something a dad calls his four year old son who’s just learning how to play baseball. Think about it, a dad teaching his son saying, “Just try to keep your eye on the ball, Bucko” or “Great job today, Bucko!”, it sounds like a child’s nickname from his dad.

Maybe Drake’s dad called him Bucko at one of his games once and all of his teammates decided to call him that from then on but it’s not that good. Unless this nickname came from the famous pirate Sir Francis Drake from the 1500s and that’s why he’s called Bucko, because of he shares a name with a pirate. But that seems like a stretch.

Maybe something like “Screwball” since he throws one, or “Poor man’s lefty” since he basically is one. He’s good against lefties somehow and can be used as a lefty specialist even though he’s right handed.

2. Carlos Torres – “El Carnicero”

El Carnicero is Spanish for “The Butcher” which makes sense for Torres I suppose considering he’s butchered enough late leads to earn this nickname. I mean seriously, what else could he be butchering? He doesn’t cut up hitters and strike them out enough to be called a butcher.

Perhaps he’s more deserving of something like “Coin Flip” since every time he goes out there it’s a coin flip as to whether or not he’s effective. Maybe he can call him “The Butcher” when he becomes a more consistent pitcher that butchers hitters instead of leads.

1. Ryan Braun – “Ocho”

Wow. Real original there Braun. It’s his number eight translated into Spanish, which is ocho. That would be so cool if it wasn’t so lame. Ryan Braun has been on the Milwaukee Brewers for ten years, you can’t tell me he doesn’t have a better nickname than this by now. Having been a star in this league he should have something.

He used to be called the “Hebrew Hammer” for a time. And that could’ve worked, but even something like “Brauny” would’ve been better. It’s similar to Anthony Swarzak’s which is “Swarzy”, even though it’s not terribly exciting it makes sense. Perhaps something like “MVP” or “Technicality” just to make people upset. But really he should have something better by now.

Enough with all the bad names, let’s get into the best of the best.

Three, Four, and Five

5. Orlando Arcia – “El Nino”

El Nino is Spanish for “The Kid”, which is conveniently the nickname of a former Milwaukee Brewers shortstop, oh what was his name? Something with a bird… Hawk? No, that’s not it. Sparrow? Yes, it was Jack Sparrow… no wait that’s not right. Oh yes, it was Robin. Robin Yount is the guy I’m thinking of. All Robin Yount ever did was spend his entire career in Milwaukee, get 3,142 hits and get elected to the Hall Of Fame. And Arcia has the same nickname as him. No pressure at all.

Regardless, I still love this nickname for him and the parallel to Yount just makes it better. Arcia was a young kid when he made his MLB debut, just like Yount. He plays the same position as him. Honestly, Arcia has a great chance to go down in Milwaukee Brewers history like Yount did as well. He has the talent and the ability to join Yount in the Hall of Fame after his career is over and he’s sort of the Latino version of Yount so this works.

Arcia didn’t even realize the parallel when he chose the name for his jersey but the kid is something special and he deserves it.

4. Zach Davies – “Bat Boy”

Just look at Davies. He looks like a bat boy and many people have thought he was the bat boy. He just tells them ” Uh no, I’m the starting pitcher, stop asking me to carry your bats” and goes on his way. Coming in a six feet tall and a slender 155 pounds and considering his boyish face that can’t seem to grow any decent facial hair, he looks like he’s 14 years old.

This should cause confusion. People will ask themselves why is the Milwaukee Brewers bat boy running out to the mound? It turns out he’s actually the pitcher. It’s clever and original. It’s about time the bat boys get some recognition. Maybe one of the bat boys for his start on Saturday will wear a Zach Davies jersey just to return the favor. That would be even better.

3. Travis Shaw – “Mayor-DDC”
I know what you’re thinking. Let me guess, “WHAT? HOW IS THIS ONLY NUMBER THREE THIS IS THE BEST NICKNAME OF ALL TIME, ARE YOU STUPID?!?!?!”. Let me explain. Honestly, “The Mayor of Ding Dong City” is the best nickname on the Milwaukee Brewers and the best in all of baseball I think. However, it’s not spelled that way. If the “DDC” were spelled out, this is easily be at the top.

Shaw apparently tried to get the full name on the jersey but MLB told him that was too many letters so he abbreviated it. Shaw should’ve told them “I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LETTERS IT IS, PUT THE WHOLE NAME ON THIS JERSEY! I AM THE MAYOR AND I DEMAND IT!” but Travis Shaw doesn’t seem like that type of guy. He carries a more calm demeanor and level headed than I would be in this scenario.

If he went with just “The Mayor”, that also would work. But “Ding Dong City” should be spelled out. Now it needs to be explained to people who don’t know his full nickname what the “DDC” stands for and it shouldn’t need to be. For that, he lands at number three, but his full nickname is better.

Top Two

2. Manny Pina – “Pineapple”

I believe this all started back when Eric Thames hit a walk-off HR and in his postgame interview referred to Pina as Manny Pineapple. Ever since then, the name has stuck with Brewers fans and his teammates alike. Manny Pineapple just kinds of rolls off the tongue and it’s fun to say.

I’m not sure if there’s a reason they went with Pineapple outside of Pina and pineapple starting with the same letters. Perhaps Manny Pina just really likes to eat pineapple. But it’s a fun nickname that fans have really taken to and showcases how the fans identify with this team. Thames called Pina, “Manny PIneapple” once and that was all it took for the fans to run with it.

If Thames never brought it up in that postgame interview, most of us would probably be confused as to why Pina’s nickname is a fruit. But it all makes sense now.

1. Eric Thames – “Sang Namja”

This is the most epic nickname in baseball this weekend. After spending three years playing in Korea, it makes sense that Thames’ nickname would be a Korean phrase. What is this phrase you may ask? Sang Namja literally translates to “Real Man” but  it loosely means “Badass”. Man, that’s awesome. MLB wouldn’t allow vulgarities on these jerseys for obvious reasons but Thames got away with it.

The people at MLB who got his jersey nickname request probably just thought, “Oh cool, a Korean word that I don’t really know what it means but must be special to his time in Korea, how cool”, not even knowing it meant “Badass”. That’s probably the most badass thing about this is that Thames got away with it.

His nickname in Korea was “God” but that probably wouldn’t have gone over well back in the States so he went with something even more awesome. Frankly, Thames is a badass and the way he took the Milwaukee Brewers by storm during his first season season only adds to it. He’s big, he’s strong, he’s a sang namja.

Honorable Mentions

Jimmy Nelson – “Big Sweat”. He’s big and he sweats a lot. It works.

Brent Suter – “The Raptor”. His walkup song is the them to Jurassic Park and he runs like a raptor. Makes perfect sense.

Eric Sogard – “Nerd Power”. Predictable but he hasn’t been hitting with much power. Maybe “Nerd Plate Discipline” would work.

Brett Phillips – “Maverick”. I love it, but he’s not going to be here to wear it.

Michael Blazek – “Jus Blaze”. See above.

Stephen Vogt – “I believe”. I BELIEVE IN STEPHEN VOGT! I BELIEVE IN STEPHEN VOGT!

Next: Early returns on Niel Walker look promising

Hopefully these jerseys will help the Milwaukee Brewers break out of their slump and get the bats going against the best team in baseball this weekend. This team is fun to watch and they have a lot of fun themselves. These jerseys should bring out the best in the Brewers both in performance and entertainment.