Milwaukee Brewers: The Best and Worst Players Weekend Uni’s

Bottom Five

5. Jett Bandy – “Sinker-Slider”

Uhh what? Bandy, you aren’t even a pitcher. You don’t even throw sinkers or sliders. He can’t hit them either as shown by his .214 batting average. Maybe that’s just because he calls sinkers and sliders since he’s a catcher but this really makes no sense.

Who calls Bandy “Sinker-Slider” like that doesn’t even roll off the tongue. are his teammates just like, “Hey here comes good ole Sinker-Slider walking over, how you doin?”. I doubt it. He should’ve gone with a pun based on his names or something that seems relevant. If he went with something like “Airplane” or “747” that would’ve made sense, but this doesn’t.

4. Chase Anderson – “Texas”

A state? I get it, Anderson is from Texas originally so it makes sense that his teammates would call him Texas. But so is Corey Knebel, so is Taylor Jungmann and they actually played at the University of Texas. Anderson, however, played his college ball at the University of… Oklahoma, which is arch-rivals with Texas.

I thought for sure Anderson would have something more interesting. Maybe “Pull-up” for his pull-up that he does before each inning or “Since when can I throw 95 MPH?” because that would be true even though it’s a bit long. But still he could do better.

3. Oliver Drake – “Bucko”

Honestly this sounds like something a dad calls his four year old son who’s just learning how to play baseball. Think about it, a dad teaching his son saying, “Just try to keep your eye on the ball, Bucko” or “Great job today, Bucko!”, it sounds like a child’s nickname from his dad.

Maybe Drake’s dad called him Bucko at one of his games once and all of his teammates decided to call him that from then on but it’s not that good. Unless this nickname came from the famous pirate Sir Francis Drake from the 1500s and that’s why he’s called Bucko, because of he shares a name with a pirate. But that seems like a stretch.

Maybe something like “Screwball” since he throws one, or “Poor man’s lefty” since he basically is one. He’s good against lefties somehow and can be used as a lefty specialist even though he’s right handed.

2. Carlos Torres – “El Carnicero”

El Carnicero is Spanish for “The Butcher” which makes sense for Torres I suppose considering he’s butchered enough late leads to earn this nickname. I mean seriously, what else could he be butchering? He doesn’t cut up hitters and strike them out enough to be called a butcher.

Perhaps he’s more deserving of something like “Coin Flip” since every time he goes out there it’s a coin flip as to whether or not he’s effective. Maybe he can call him “The Butcher” when he becomes a more consistent pitcher that butchers hitters instead of leads.

1. Ryan Braun – “Ocho”

Wow. Real original there Braun. It’s his number eight translated into Spanish, which is ocho. That would be so cool if it wasn’t so lame. Ryan Braun has been on the Milwaukee Brewers for ten years, you can’t tell me he doesn’t have a better nickname than this by now. Having been a star in this league he should have something.

He used to be called the “Hebrew Hammer” for a time. And that could’ve worked, but even something like “Brauny” would’ve been better. It’s similar to Anthony Swarzak’s which is “Swarzy”, even though it’s not terribly exciting it makes sense. Perhaps something like “MVP” or “Technicality” just to make people upset. But really he should have something better by now.

Enough with all the bad names, let’s get into the best of the best.