Every year, Brewers president of baseball operations David Stearns writes a letter to Santa Claus with his Christmas list included.
Reviewing the Brew has obtained an exclusive copy* of Brewers PBO David Stearns’ letter to Santa Claus this year.
Dear Santa Claus,
Hey Santa! It’s me, your favorite baseball executive David Stearns again! I think I was very good this year and belong on the nice list as I helped the Brewers to our fourth straight postseason appearance and another NL Central title.
I also brought in Willy Adames to lock up the shortstop position, and he was really great and fun! So luckily I won’t need to ask you for shortstop help this Christmas, even though I know you have a couple that other GMs are asking for one.
I want to thank you for your super awesome Kolten Wong action figure gift you gave me. His defense is spectacular and he really solved my leadoff hitter problem.
The first thing I want for Christmas this year is to have this lockout end as soon as possible with both sides coming to an agreement that works well for the game of baseball. An agreement that would give me the use of the DH so I can sign another bat and make sure my pitchers don’t get hurt swinging the bat would be so awesome, Santa!
I’m itching to sign some players to big league contracts and make some moves with this roster. But MLB has locked us out so they deserve to be on the naughty list and get coal this year if they can’t get baseball going again by Christmas! The early gift of Hunter Renfroe and taking away Jackie Bradley Jr’s contract before this lockout was really cool, though.
The second thing I want this year is a restraining order against Steve Cohen. He keeps trying to call me, but my friend Mark Attanasio blocked his number from my phone. Then Cohen started throwing rocks at my bedroom window. Now I’m seeing him standing outside my house holding a boombox over his head playing “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel non-stop. It’s very creepy and I’d like a restraining order to keep him away from me.
Thirdly, I’d really appreciate if your elves could fix my Christian Yelich and Keston Hiura action figures. Both just didn’t really work right this year and maybe have your top medical elf magically fix Yelich’s back so it doesn’t sap him of his power or make him uncomfortable anymore. Someone apparently drilled a hole into the bat of my Hiura action figure and I would really, really like that to be fixed!
The last thing I want for Christmas this year is some extra cash to help with signing some of my starting pitchers to contract extensions. Both Corbin Burnes and Brandon Woodruff are super awesome and Burnes won the Cy Young award this year, which was an amazing early Christmas gift this year! So, I’d really like to pay those guys what they deserve and sign them to extensions to keep them in Milwaukee for a long time.
Thank you and Merry Christmas, Santa!
*this was not actually written by David Stearns