With Christmas right around the corner, Milwaukee Brewers GM David Stearns is writing a letter to Santa Claus, telling him what he wants for Christmas. We here at Reviewing the Brew have obtained an exclusive copy of the letter Stearns wrote.
Hey Santa, it’s me, David Stearns. I’ve been really good this year. I’ve signed good players that have helped my team and have made many trades that are really great (despite what Dave Dombrowski of the Red Sox may tell you) and we almost made the playoffs this year with the lowest payroll in baseball!
I love the gifts you gave me last year of Eric Thames and Travis Shaw. They’re working out extremely well and Craig Counsell and I will enjoy having those two for years to come.
Since I’ve been extra good this year with the success of my Milwaukee Brewers, I have some big things I want for Christmas this year.
First, I would like a new 2018 top-of-the-rotation starting pitcher. Getting the Chris Archer model would be so sweet, but (Rays GM) Erik Neander says the Chris Archer model is suuuuuper expensive to get. So if that is out of your price range Santa, I also like the Danny Duffy model and the Marcus Stroman special edition. Right now, (Blue Jays GM) Ross Atkins is hogging the Stroman edition and won’t share even though he needs to rebuild. He should be placed on the naughty list.
Second, I would like another second baseman that can hit leadoff and get on base. The Jonathan Villar gift I received two years ago worked great for a while but he stopped producing this year. I really want a new second baseman to solidify that position. Or, if you could fix my Jonathan Villar edition so he can get on base again, that would be great, too.
Lastly, I want a new setup man. I can’t afford any of the high end editions but I still need someone to get outs in the eighth inning. Neftali Feliz didn’t really work out and (Mets GM) Sandy Alderson stole Anthony Swarzak from me. If I could get someone to solidify the back end of the bullpen here, that would be super awesome, Santa!
I hope you have seen that I’ve been extra special good this year and deserve to be on the nice list. If I could get all of those things on my list, this Christmas will be the best Christmas ever.
Thank you and Merry Christmas, Santa!
P.S. You know my friend, Jimmy Nelson? If you could help his shoulder heal much faster this Christmas, that would also be super awesome. He’s very important to me and the rest of my Milwaukee Brewers.