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4 Fast 4 John Axford Mustache Facts


     You all knew it was only a matter of time before it came to this.  Things are looking pretty crappy for the Brew Crew so I thought this was as good a time as any to dust off what got me here, “John Axford Mustache Facts”.  Now we all know that as far as films go, the rule should always be “Anything more than a Trilogy is a waste of time”.  However, 5 Fast and the upcoming Pirates 4 have given us hope that maybe you can survive after the third go around. 

     As I have always said, if it is good enough for Vin Diesel then damnit it’s good enough for me!!  The original mustache ride took place on November the 14th of 2010.  Then I blew you all away with JAMF: A New Hope a month later.  Things got really crazy when I thought I completed the trilogy just this past February.  Coming up with enough content for a 4th go at JAMF’s was tough, but insanely rewarding.  For those of you who do not know, John is a friend of the site so it is always fun to hear what he ahs to say about these new facts.

So, in honor of the summer of unnecessary sequels, let’s throw one more on the fire.  Ladies and Gentlemen, 4 Fast 4 John Axford Mustache Facts (actually there will be 15, but I wanted the title to be super sweet):

  • John Axford’s Mustache used to be a roadie for ZZ Top, but they fired him when they realized he wasn’t a beard 
  • John Axford’s Mustache always buys one and gets one free…always
  • John Axford’s Mustache doesn’t believe in romance, he lives it
  • John Axford’s Mustache is a Navy SEAL on the weekends and his whereabouts on Sunday are still unknown…
  • John Axford’s Mustache gets stuck too food, not the other way around
  • John Axford’s Mustache is named after a mythological figure, the greek god of  mustaches, Mustax
  • John Axford’s Mustache hates that Kevin Costner refused to use a british dialect in “Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves”
  • John Axford’s Mustache intorduced William and Kate while on holiday some years ago, yet his invitation still got lost in the mail
  • John Axford’s Mustache collects Siamese fighting fish (Wal-Mart calls the Betta’s)
  • John Axford’s Mustache has never been asked to be on Dancing With the Stars and that makes him very angry
  • John Axford’s Mustache has his long form birth certificate, you hear that Trump?
  • John Axford’s Mustache currently holds the patent on the only known mustache swimming cap
  • John Axford’s Mustache only has one true enemy…the trimmer
  • John Axford’s Mustache is an avid karaoke singer
  • John Axford’s Mustache has a current hair count of right around 14,739…give or take

Well, we are now up to 60 John Axford Mustache Facts this season.  Some might say that is a bit excessive, but I say that we can not rest until we are as educated as possible about this beautiful specimin.  If you hate mustache facts, then you should move to a country where they hate mustaches so you can be with your own kind!!

Tonight is the last chance you will have to watch Marco Estrada for a while, so don’t miss it.  Plus, tonight you will see Mr. Tony Plush batting in the 2 slot.  Maybe RR is reading the blog, so I should probably keep the negativity to a minimum.  My Grandpa always said, “Ask and you shall receive”…or was that Jesus?  Anyway, this could be the start of another hot streak for this team, so let’s just keep out fingers crossed.  Tomorrow will be our first time getting to look at Greinke and I am so excited that I could pee.

Have a lovely rest of your evening Brewskies and Brewskettes, we will talk tomorrow.  Sweet dreams Neverland!!!!!